Calling Back Agent P
by Jet Engine
Summary: (Takes place several months after "Calling Agent P.") Episode Fifteen, The Eye of the Tiger: Perry acquires a rival within the O.W.C.A. that wants to be the best agent. Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb turn themselves into various animals. (Requested by The WGPM.)
1. Star-Crossed Loathers

**Summary: Heinz enlists Phineas and Ferb's help to propose to Brooke. Meanwhile, Perry battles his new nemesis.**

**Okay, to recap from "Calling Agent P," Doofenshmirtz is no longer evil, Perry has a new nemesis and is dating McKenzie (although, she is not in this episode), Candace no longer tries to bust her brothers, and the Flynn-Fletcher's know Perry's secret. Admittedly, Perry's new nemesis may take some getting used to, but give her a chance. She's gonna have more depth, once we get to later episodes. Come to think of it, with all the differences, the whole series may take some getting use to... Just please give it a chance. I think you'll like it.**

* * *

**Star-Crossed Loathers**

*Backyard*

Phineas, Ferb, and Perry - who was leaning against it, like a human - were relaxing under the tree. Perry was between the boys, finishing a story.

"And, now, I am no longer welcome in Ohio. Long story short, never kiss a poodle."

"Guys," Phineas said, "I know what we're gonna do, today."

Heinz walked into the backyard. "Hey, fellas. Whatcha doin'?"

Phineas answered, "Well, I was thinking we could make it so Perry can go back to Ohio."

Heinz frowned at Perry. "Why can't you go to Ohio?"

Perry's eyes became half-lidded. "Long story short, never kiss a donkey."

Now, Phineas frowned. "I thought you said it was a poodle."

"Honestly the memory's kind of hazy. I drank a _lot_ of root beer, that night."

There was an awkward pause, then Heinz said, "Well...I-I guess, if you guys are busy, I can come back tomorrow."

Phineas and Ferb stood up. "Nonsense, Dr. D," Phineas said. "I'm sure Perry won't mind us helping you, first." He looked at the platypus. "Will you, Perry?"

Perry shrugged. "I don't wanna go back to Ohio, anyway. Pretty sure someone there wants me dead."

Another awkward pause, then Phineas smiled at Heinz. "So, what do you need?"

Heinz suddenly felt a little self-conscious. "Well, Brooke and I have been dating for a while, now. A-and, I kinda want to 'pop the question,' so to speak."

"'Pop the question?'" Phineas asked, not recognizing the term.

"It means he wants to ask Miss Winters to marry him," Ferb said.

Phineas's eyes lit up. "Really? That is so cool!"

Perry sat up. "Do my ears deceive me? Are you saying that you and Brooke are _still_ together?"

"I know, right?" Heinz said. "My ears can't believe it, either." **(Return Policy)**

Perry's watch beeped, and he stood up. "Well, I'm outta here. Peace." He pressed down on the tree trunk, and a door opened. He walked into it, and the tree closed.

Phineas asked Heinz, "So, why do you need our help?"

"Well, you see, fellas," Heinz began, "it all started when I was just about to propose to my ex-wife, Charlene..."

_-Flashback- _**(reference to the **_**Gravity Falls**_** episode, "The Legend of the Gobblewonker")**

_Heinz and Charlene were out on a canoe on the lake. Charlene was taking in the sights, while Heinz, his back to her, smiled at what he was holding - a diamond ring in a little back box._

_He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, closed the box, faced his girlfriend, held the box behind his back, and said, "Charlene?" Charlene looked at him. "We've been dating for a while, and...I-I was wondering-"_

_"Hey!" Stan Pines from _Gravity Falls _sailed his boat up to them. "You guys wanna hear a joke?" Without waiting for a response, he said, "My ex-wife still misses me...but her aim is gettin' better!" No response. "Her aim is gettin' better!" Still no response. "See, it's-it's funny, because marriage is terrible."_

_-End of Flashback-_

"In hindsight," Heinz continued, "it was probably a good indicator of things to come. But, anyway, I figured, since you guys are good at violating the laws of physics and what-not, you could help me create a good proposal. Please?"

Phineas looked at his brother. "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do, today, instead of the other thing we were gonna do, today."

*Agent P's Lair*

"Greetings, Agent P," Major Monogram said. "We've received reports that your nemesis, Janet Applebottom, was seen purchasing soda pop. Normally, this wouldn't be suspicious, but, on the same day, she was buying machine parts. Get to the bottom of it, Agent P."

Perry saluted.

*Backyard*

The boys stood by a computer, when Candace walked up to them, smiling. Since she had overcome her desire to bust, she had actual started enjoying her brothers' inventions. "Whatcha guys doin'?"

"Well, remember what we did on Jeremy's birthday, last summer?" Phineas asked.

Candace frowned at the memory. "You mean the giant scrapbook that disappeared?" **(Cheers for Fears)**

"That's the one. We hope you don't mind, but we're gonna use that idea to help Dr. D propose to Miss Winters."

Candace smiled. "Well, alright. I mean, you _are_ doing it for love. Where is Dr. D, anyway? And, where's Perry?"

"Dr. D's collecting Miss Winters memorabilia with that camera that sends photographs to our computer, and Perry's off fighting his nemesis."

_*Applebottom Evil is Crazy*_

Janet Applebottom's house looked like any other suburban home, with two-stories, cream-colored shutters on the upper floor, and tan bricks on the lower-floor. Her lab was a large room on the first floor, with a beige tile floor and off-white walls.

Perry crashed through the window and landed in a fight-stance. His nemesis - he was assigned to her a few days after Heinz stopped being evil - turned around from where she was working on an invention.

In a huge contrast to Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Janet Applebottom was beautiful. She had straight, black hair that laid just below her chin with bangs, brown eyes, a little, pointed noise, and a great figure. (Perry recalled her mentioning that she used to be a model.) She wore **(Signature outfit. Most cartoon characters have one.)** a purple T-shirt with a black tank top under it, bootcut jeans, and black flats.

Janet smiled in mock happiness. **(I imagine her being voiced by Amy Lee.)** "Oh, hey." Then, she scowled, and it leaked into her tone. "It's you."

Perry rolled his eyes. He was used to her attitude, by now. "Yeah, like seeing _your_ face freshens up _my_ day."

Janet groaned. She pressed a red button on the wall, and a cage fell on Perry. "Now, then, Agent P, I recently learned that too much soda, while obviously unhealthy, can actually contribute to dehydration. I don't know how. I tend to zone out, when my cousin starts spewing out facts. But, what I did listen to gave me the idea to build," she held up the ray gun on the table behind her, "the carbonator. It turns any beverage into soda."

Perry was unimpressed. "That's kinda dumb."

"Cut me some slack. It's the first episode. That reminds me; I'm gonna have to talk to those jingle writers. I mean, 'evil is crazy?' That's just insulting."

"Why do you even need a jingle?"

"All the other evil scientists in Danville have one."

*Street*

"Let's see..." Heinz was wandering through the city, searching for anything that reminded him of Brooke. He stopped in front of his building, which no longer had its 'Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.' sign. "Oh, the front of my building! The place where we first met." He took a picture of it and pointed somewhere. "Oh!" He ran up to another building. "And, here's the courthouse! Brooke is a lawyer, after all." He took a picture of that, as well.

*Backyard*

Heinz's photographs appeared on the computer.

Phineas saw the photo of Heinz's building and said, "Perfect. The place where they first met." The courthouse picture came up. "Courthouse. I-I'm drawing a blank."

"Miss Winters is a lawyer," Ferb reminded him.

"Right."

*Janet's Lab*

Janet opened her window and aimed her carbonator. "Okay, let's give this a shot."

Perry - no longer trapped - used his tail to knock her off her feet. The carbonator fired out the window and bounced off a satellite in space.

*Somewhere in Danville*

"I can't believe you bought a soda shop," a woman scolded her husband, "but you filled it with _fruit juice_! What? Did you think a random green ray from the sky would turn it all into soda?"

A green ray from the sky did just that. It also affected the glass of orange juice her husband was holding. He took a sip. "This is orange soda."

"Oh, come on!"

*Backyard*

Heinz, grinning in anticipation, led a blindfolded Brooke to the boys' backyard.

Brooke chuckled, "Heinz, will you _please_ tell me where we're going?"

"You'll find out soon," Heinz sang.

"Oh, brother."

They entered the backyard. "Okay," Heinz said. "Take off the blindfold." Brooke did so. Heinz spread his arms out to the enormous book in front of them. "Behold! The...whatever Phineas and Ferb call it!"

Brooke gazed up at it. "Wow. This is pretty cool, Heinz, but does it have to do with me?"

To her surprise, Heinz grabbed her by the forearm and dragged to it. "Hit it, Love Handel!"

**(This song is a Brookenshmirtz - that's what I'm calling it - version of **_**Scrapbook of Memories [All About You] **_**from the episode "Cheer for Fears.")**

* * *

_I remember when you first bumped into me._

_On our very first date, we saw that funny movie._

_Here's where we washed your car_

_And made it look brand new._

* * *

_Your green eyes make me melt with a wink._

_You're always so honest. You always say what you think._

* * *

_It's a giant 3D scrapbook, and it's all about you!_

* * *

_I know I used to be evil_

_Enough to make a lot of women flee._

_But, you're still here with me, now._

_Let's make some more memories._

_Let's make some more memories!_

* * *

_Your brothers may not like me, but I think they're pretty cool._

_When you're defending clients, you're never played for a fool._

* * *

_It's a giant 3D scrapbook._

_It's a giant 3D scrapbook._

_It's a giant 3D scrapbook, and it's all about you!_

_And, it's all about you!_

* * *

*Janet's Lab*

Perry and Janet continued fighting. Unlike Heinz, Janet was actually a pretty good fighter. She kicked Perry near her invention, which gave him an idea.

"Janet," Perry mocked, "you kick like a guy."

"Is that so?" Janet growled. She went in for another kick, but Perry jumped backwards, and Janet ended up knocking her carbonator into the wall, breaking it. "Ah, heck. Once again, Agent P, you manage to simultaneously thwart my scheme, _and_ stink up my lab with your disgusting milk-sweat."

It seemed like their battles always began and ended the same way: with insults. Perry retaliated with, "Yeah? Well a skeleton called. He wants his body back."

Janet scoffed. "I'll have you know that I am at a healthy weight."

"And, how many pounds would that be?" Janet's glare turned frightening - a look that always intimidated Perry. "You know what? I'm just leave, while all my limbs are still attached."

*Backyard*

At the end of the song, Heinz and Brooke stepped off the ride.

Brooke hugged her boyfriend. "Heinz, that was amazing! What's the occasion?"

Heinz broke the embrace and pulled a little black box from his lab coat pocket. "Brooke," he opened it, revealing a ring with a diamond between two smaller diamonds, "will you marry me?"

Brooke gasped, her lips curling into a smile. "Y-yes! Yes, I will!"

Heinz grinned. "R-really? You said- You-"

Brooke silenced him by wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. Heinz wrapped his arms around her torso and returned the kiss. Phineas, Ferb, and Candace cheered.

Perry returned, saw what was happening, and said to the audience. "Ah, man. I miss all the fun."

**The End**

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**Not bad, but not perfect. Whatever. I like it, and I hope you like it too. So, review, and all that!**


	2. Roger That

**Summary: Brooke tries to get Heinz and Roger to smooth things over with each other. Janet is jealous when her sister seems to like Perry more than her.**

* * *

**Roger That**

*Heinz's Building*

"That's right, _Roger_," Heinz gloated over the phone. "I got married before _you_. Ha, ha, and _ha_." Brooke, sitting in the chair nearby, looked up from her book long enough to roll her eyes. "I know you were at the wedding. I'm just reminding you. ... What _about_ my ex-wife?"

Brooke put a bookmark in her book and put it down. "Heinz, can I talk to you?"

"Gotta go, Roger," Heinz said over the phone. "My _wife_ needs me. That's right. I'm needed."

Brooke grabbed the phone from him and hung it up. "Heinz, don't you think this little sibling rivalry of yours has gone on long enough?"

"No."

Brooke put her hands on her hips. "Well, I do. You know what I used to make my older brothers do, when they were fighting? I used to set them down at a table and make them discuss their issues, and I think you and Roger should do the same."

Heinz tried to protest. "But-"

"No buts. _My_ brothers and I had a great relationship. When they weren't shoving me in the closet or holding my dolls too high for me to reach them or- The point is, you two are gonna kiss and make up."

Heinz was appalled. "Ew! He's my _brother_! Why would I want to kiss my broth-" He stopped, when he saw Brooke's annoyed expression. "Oh, you meant it figuratively."

Brooke face-palmed.

*Bedroom*

Perry crawled under Phineas's pillow and slid down a tube, sending him to his lair.

Major Monogram appeared on the screen. "Agent P, we've spotted Applebottom standing outside her house, not doing much. She must be waiting for something evil. You know what to do."

Perry saluted and left.

When he was gone, Carl appeared on the screen, holding a DVD. "Sir, are you ready to watch every movie in the 'Early Evening' saga?" **(The Curse of Candace)**

"Carl, I told you not to say out loud."

"No, you didn't."

"Well, I should have."

*Roger's Office*

Roger sat at his desk with Brooke sitting across from him.

"Now," Roger said, "what can I do for you, Brooke?"

"Well, Roger," Brooke replied, "I've noticed some tension between you and my husband, and I feel that it would be good for both of you, if you would make up. Now, before you disagree-"

"Alright."

Brooke was momentarily stunned. "Uh, what?"

"Alright. I'd be happy to patch things up with Heinz."

"That-that's it? You're just gonna agree?"

Now, it was Roger's turn to be confused. "What do you mean?"

"I-it's just that I had this whole speech prepared about how siblings should get along, and-"

Roger's smiled uncertainly. "Uh, that's okay. I don't need to hear the speech."

"Oh. Okay..."

_*Applebottom Waiting Patiently*_

Janet rocked back and forth on her feet in front of her house, humming _Gitchee Gitchee Goo_, when Perry walked up to her. "'Sup, Billy the Beaver?"

Unaffected by her insult, Perry smirked. "Not much. Just staring at a giant twig." Brooke chuckled, much to Perry's surprise. "My, someone's out of character."

"I'm just in a good mood."

"What's the occasion?"

"My little sister's coming back from her trip to Australia."

Perry smiled fondly. "Ah, Australia. Good times. Good times..." He frowned, suddenly processing what she'd said. "Wait, I didn't know you had a sister."

Janet frowned, tone turning serious. "Well, I do. Now, listen up, Agent P. My little sister's sweet and innocent, and I don't want you corrupting her."

Perry rolled his eyes and sarcasm laced his tone. "Yes, because it's my life-long goal to destroy innocence."

Janet looked off-screen and grinned. "Oh, there she is."

Her sister had the same eyes and nose as her sister, but that was about where the similarities ended. She had shoulder-length brown hair that curled into perfect little ringlets and wore a pink sundress and white sandals.

**(This song is a parody of **_**Candace [Who's That Girl]**_** from the episode, "One Good Scare Ought to Do It!" I've altered it so that there isn't one huge line in the middle, which means the melody's a little different, but it's basically the same tune.)**

* * *

_La la la la la la,_

_La la la,_

_La la la la la la,_

_La la la la._

* * *

_Who's that girl, walking down the street?_

_It's Bonnie._

_(Bonnie.)_

_She's a cute little angel_

_With a heart of gold._

_She's Bonnie._

_(Bonnie.)_

* * *

_She's nothing like her older sister._

_She can charm every miss and mister._

* * *

_She's the girl, who you'd all love to meet._

_She's Bonnie._

_(Bonnie.)_

* * *

_La la la la la la,_

_La la la,_

_La la la la la la,_

_La la la la..._

* * *

Bonnie grinned **(Her voice is slightly lower than Isabella's, but still maintains that cute quality)**. "Janet!" She threw her arms around her sister. "It's so good to see you!"

Janet returned the embrace. "It's good to see you, too, sis! How was Australia?"

Bonnie let go, when she saw Perry. "Hey, a platypus! I got one of these as a pet, last summer. Her name's McKenzie. I didn't name her. She came with the name, but I think it suits her."

Perry almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. His nemesis's sister was his girlfriend's new owner? "W-wait a minute. You two are _sisters_?"

Bonnie gasped. "He talks!"

"Well," Janet responded, "technically, it's an animal translator."

Bonnie knelt down in front of Perry, making him a little uncomfortable. "Are you the nemesis my sister told me about?"

"Yes. Yes, I am." Perry smiled politely and tipped his hat. "Pleased to make your acquaintance. My name is-"

"Agent P, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Yeah. My sister told me."

Janet was becoming impatient. "Sis, you can have a mix-'n'-mingle session with Agent P, later." **(Cheer Up Candace)**

Bonnie stood up. "Janet, can Agent P spend the day with us? I'm sure he'd love to hear about my trip to Australia."

"Uh," Janet wasn't sure how to respond. Her sister was friendly, but sometimes it could go too far. This seemed like one of those times. "I-I don't-" Bonnie frowned. "I mean, it's just- He's a secret agent. He probably has more important things to do."

Perry smiled casually, taking guilty pleasure in watching his nemesis's discomfort. "Actually, I don't plan to do much, today."

"Stop helping," Janet warned. Bonnie smiled hopefully, and Janet face-palmed. "Fine. He can hang with us for a _little while_."

Bonnie pumped her fist. "Yes! I can't wait to learn more about him!"

*Heinz's Building*

Heinz, who had his arms crossed and was hating every minute of this, and Roger, who was eager to make amends with his older brother, sat on the couch. Brooke sat in the chair nearby, just wanting to get started.

"Okay," Brooke began. "Let's start with something I saw on TV. Heinz, tell Roger how you feel about him."

Heinz glared at his brother and said, "Roger, you're an annoying attention-hog." Roger was visibly hurt by his brother's words. "As if my life wasn't bad enough, you just _had_ to be born and make it even _worse_! At first, I was excited to have a younger sibling to play with and to share my knowledge with. But, _no_. Instead, you humiliated me with dresses, played kickball really well, became the mayor of Danville. Shall I go on?"

Roger was stunned. He knew Heinz wasn't his _biggest_ fan, but... "Heinz, I...I don't know what to say."

Heinz stood up. "Then, don't say anything." He stormed out of the room.

After a moment of shocked silence, Brooke said, "Maybe you should talk to him."

Roger blinked in surprise. "Me? You're his wife."

"But, _you're_ his brother. Besides, it's not _me_ he's mad at."

"Hm, no. No, it's not."

*Janet's House*

The only part of the house that Perry had ever been in was the lab. The living room, however, was pretty much how he'd pictured it. The walls were light purple, and the carpet was light gray. There was a TV, a couch, an armchair, and a coffee table.

Bonnie was bombarding Perry with questions, and it was getting on Janet's nerves. Perry didn't feel much better about it. He knew that Janet was hoping to spend some quality time with her younger sister. He didn't mean to be an attention-hog.

"Do you have a car that can turn into a submarine and an airplane?" Bonnie asked Perry, her brown eyes crackling with curiosity. "Do you run away from a lot of explosions? Do you ever have to rescue supermodels in bikinis?"

"You watch too many movies," Perry guessed. "And, anyway, maybe I should get going. Why don't you tell Janet about your trip?"

Janet smiled at this but frowned when Bonnie shook her head and said, "Oh, it's not like I have to leave Danville. I have an apartment in the city. I can tell her later."

Janet sighed. She knew Bonnie didn't mean to be rude, but Bonnie's fascination with Agent P still bothered her. She couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy at the attention Agent P was being given, though it was obvious he didn't like it much.

*Heinz's Building*

Roger anxiously knocked on the door to his older brother's bedroom. "Heinz, open up."

"Heinz Doofenshmirtz is not in at this time," a saddened voice called from inside. "Do not pass 'go', and do not collect two hundred dollars after the beep. Beeeeeep." **("Monopoly" reference)**

Roger ignored the 'beeeeeep' and walked into his brother's room closing the door behind him. He found Heinz sitting on the edge of his bed, head hanging. "Heinz?"

Heinz looked up at him, and Roger's heart clenched at the guilt in his eyes. "What do you want?"

Roger sat down beside him. "I wanted to make sure you were alright."

Heinz shrugged, avoiding Roger's concerned gaze. "Eh. I'm fine."

"You know, you're not the best liar."

"I know."

"Come on, Heinz. Out with it." Roger hesitantly put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. "What's troubling you?"

Heinz put his head in his hands. "Ugh. I'm sorry, Roger." He looked at his brother. "I-I shouldn't have said any of that stuff. I didn't _mean_ to call you an annoying attention-hog. Though, admittedly, you _can_ be a bit of an attention-hog, but not an annoying one _necessarily_. A-and, I know that none of the humiliation I went through was your fault.

The truth is...I-I'm...I'm proud of you. There. I said it. I said it, and I meant it. I'm proud of you. I guess my resentment towards you was really just me trying to cover up my jealousy. I mean, look at all the amazing things you've accomplished, and what have _I_ accomplished? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. And, other phrases.

My whole life, since the day our parents didn't show up for my birth," Roger briefly wondered how that was even possible, "my very existence has been a problem. Not just for me, but for the people around me. You, our parents, Charlene, Vanessa, Perry the Platypus, the Flynn-Fletcher's, probably Brooke-" He sighed. "Oh, who am I kidding, Roger? Maybe Heinz Doofenshmirtz wasn't meant to have any real purpose. Maybe Heinz Doofenshmirtz is just another poor sap on the planet." Then, he realized, "Maybe Heinz Doofenshmirtz referring to himself in the third person isn't really helping his case..."

Roger couldn't believe what he was hearing. This new knowledge of his brother broke his heart. "Oh, Heinz, don't say that. You're not a problem, and you are important. Though, I do agree with you about referring to yourself in the third person. Believe it or not, Heinz, I've always kind of admired you."

Okay. Now, it was Heinz's turn to be surprised. "Seriously? _You_? Admire _me_?"

"You never give up, no matter what. You've survived events that would kill anyone else. That's pretty admirable, to me."

"Roger, y-you really-" He smiled and turned his head, hoping Roger wouldn't see the tears forming in his eyes. "Ah, shucks, man."

*Janet's House*

"_Please_," Bonnie pleaded, "tell me who you admire most!"

When he heard Janet groan in exasperation, Perry said to Bonnie, "Look, Bonnie, you seem nice, but maybe you should chat with your sister a little." A glimmer of hope crossed Janet's expression. "I mean, she's been waiting patiently to hear about your trip. And, I've, uh, got to go do things that exist, so maybe I'll see you around?"

Bonnie grinned. "Yeah, okay. Bye, Agent P. It was nice meeting you."

Perry smiled as he hopped off the couch. "You too. Later, Janet."

Janet smiled as he left. "Y-yeah. See ya."

"You will not believe what happened to me in Australia!" Bonnie exclaimed cheerfully. Her sister was eager to _finally_ listen.

*Heinz's Building*

Heinz and Roger were both happy with what had just happened between them. They walked up to the door, Heinz opened it. The brothers were surprised when Brooke tumbled into the room.

She looked up at them and said, "I wasn't eavesdropping."

**The End**

* * *

**I just have the feeling the Heinz is more jealous than resentful of Roger. I plan to use Bonnie in future episodes.**

**Keep calm and review.**


	3. A Bunny Story

**Summary: Bonnie kidnaps the Easter Bunny. The boys teach Perry how to color eggs.**

**Gee, I wonder what holiday this episode is about. ;)**

* * *

**A Bunny Story**

*Kitchen*

"I'm gonna go prepare the dye," Candace said to the platypus in front of her. "You mind boiling the eggs?" Perry saluted, causing Candace to roll her eyes and walk off-screen, muttering, "I'll never understand secret agents."

Perry ignored her comment. He had never colored eggs before and was eager to help out. He pushed a chair up to the stove. Water was already boiling, and a carton of eggs was sitting next to it. Perry climbed on to the chair and grabbed an egg. He cracked it and poured the contents into the boiling water. He proceeded to do the same with the remaining eggs.

As Candace prepared the dye, she said, "Let me know when the water starts to bubble a lot."

"The water's bubbling a lot," Perry said a moment later.

"Already?" Candace said in disbelief. "Let me see." She came up to the stove, looked into the pot, frowned in frustration, and called off-screen. "Mom! Perry made egg soup!" **("It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown!" reference)**

Perry frowned. "Is that bad?"

"_No_," Candace said sarcastically. "This actually makes them _easier_ to color."

Perry narrowed his eyes and wagged his finger. "Don't use that tone of voice at me, young lady."

"Quit talking like a parent!"

Fortunately, Linda arrived just in time. "Alright, alright. That's enough, you two. It's almost Easter. I don't want anyone fighting."

Perry looked guiltily at Candace. "She's got a point."

Candace turned away and crossed her arms in defiance. "You still made egg soup."

_*Applebottom's Sister's Apartment*_

Her owner wasn't home, so McKenzie took pleasure in catching up on her favorite shows.

As she sat on the couch, the narrator on the TV announced, "_We now return to _'_Really Imitatable Television Stunts!'_"

McKenzie cringed, when a snapping sound was heard on the TV, along with a woman shouting, "_My watermelon!_"

McKenzie then laughed and said, "Oh, man. I am _so_ gonna imitate that, later."

Major Monogram suddenly appeared on the television screen **(in a reference to the episode, "Oil on Candace")**. "Sorry to interrupt your day-off, Agent MK-"

Annoyed McKenzie picked up the remote, "Whoops. My hand slipped," and changed the channel back to her show.

The narrator on 'Imitatable Television Stunts' said, "_Now, let's take a look at what happens when you-_"

MM reappeared. "Agent MK, stop behaving like Agent P did in the one episode."

"I thought you didn't like when we broke the fourth wall," McKenzie stated, wishing she could return to her program.

"It's okay, if I do it. Any way, we've got a major issue. Our sources tell us that the Easter Bunny has been kidnapped and that the culprit has infiltrated your apartment building. Therefore, we need you to find that Bunny, and save him in time for Easter. Don't worry about your violent TV show. We'll tape it for you." McKenzie saluted. "Good luck, Agent MK. We're counting on you."

McKenzie returned to pet-mode, when Bonnie came over and looked at the television. "Counting on me to do what?"

Dang it. MM acted fast **(in a reference to the episode, "Comet Kermillian")**. "Uh, w-welcome to our telethon! If you're just joining us, we're...tr-rying to raise money for-for- Oh, look! Seems they've just found a cure. Thank you for your donations. And, we're...out." He flashed two fingers. "Peace!" The TV turned off.

Bonnie blinked. "O-kay..." She went off-screen for a moment and picked up a squirming burlap sack on the floor. "Ugh, stop squirming!"

This immediately caught McKenzie's attention. When Bonnie went into another room, her pet muttered, "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

Bonnie took the sack into her rather feminine bedroom and through it in a large cage. As a human-sized, white rabbit with big blue eyes poked his head out of the sack, she locked the cage.

"Hey, what's going on?" the Easter Bunny asked in fear. "W-what are you doing?"

"I'm locking you up," Bonnie replied in a way that was uncharacteristically angry, "and stuffing the key in my bra." She proceeded to do so.

McKenzie, who was peering in from behind the door, glanced uncomfortably at the audience. "Personally, I wouldn't want that key, if I were dying on the floor."

*Kitchen*

"You're doing it wrong _again_!" Candace yelled in exasperation.

Phineas said, "Hi, Candace," as he and Ferb walked in. "How are the eggs coming along?"

Candace groaned. "Let's just say that I am _done_ teaching a certain platypus how to color eggs. You guys do it." She stormed away. "I'm gonna go watch TV."

Her attitude didn't faze Phineas. "Okay."

Perry walked dejectedly up to them. "Great. Now, Candace is mad at me."

"She's not mad, Perry," Phineas assured. "She's just frustrated, but don't worry. We'll help you." He looked at his brother. "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do, today. We're gonna teach Perry how to color eggs. Just watch how we do it, Perry."

**(This song is a parody of **_**Pyramid Sports**_** from the episode, "Thanks But No Thanks.")**

* * *

_Coloring Eggs, coloring Eggs,_

_Coloring, coloring,_

_Coloring Eggs!_

* * *

_If you want something to do,_

_We've got the job for you._

_It's an Easter tradition. You can_

_Do what us humans do._

* * *

_Boiling and colors to mix._

_We will teach you the basics._

_And many optional tricks._

_(Yeah!)_

* * *

_Coloring eggs, coloring eggs,_

_Coloring, coloring,_

_Coloring eggs!_

* * *

Here's how it works!

* * *

_Put an egg in some boiling water._

_I guess that's step number one._

_Take it out, put it in a color._

_That's where you some fun._

_Decorate it any way you wish._

_A fedora, your sister,_

_You can even paint a pink fish._

* * *

I don't care if it's daytime or night.

We'll color eggs, and we'll do it right!

_(Yeah!)_

* * *

_Coloring eggs, coloring eggs,_

_Coloring eggs, coloring eggs,_

_Coloring eggs!_

* * *

Perry marveled at the elaborate designs on his boys eggs. He asked jokingly, "Aren't you two a little young to make such elaborate designs?"

"Yes. Yes, we are," Phineas answered. "You wanna give it a try, Perry?"

"You know it," Perry answered grabbing an egg off the counter.

*Bonnie's Bedroom*

"Why are you doing this?" The Easter Bunny asked.

Bonnie smiled in mock sweetness. "Oh, you want to know why I'm doing this?" What she did next shocked McKenzie. Bonnie clenched her fists and angrily shouted, "_I'll tell you why I'm going this_!"

McKenzie couldn't believe her eyes. This couldn't _possibly_ be her owner! Her owner was sweet, bubbly, and innocent. This woman was...not.

Bonnie took a deep breath, calming down a little. "You see, _Easter Bunny_," she practically spat out his name, "I'm doing this as revenge for what you did to my big sister, Janet! Janet was never popular. In fact, her only friends - as far as I know - were myself and our mother. Our dad wasn't exactly...'nice' to her. Anyway, Janet always looked forward to hunting eggs every year. Those were the rays of sunshine in Janet's otherwise miserable life - me, Mom, and egg-hunting. Then, when our mother died... Well, we were all upset, but none more so than sis was. Easter was the week after Mom's funeral. I just _knew_ that hunting for eggs would take her mind off it. But, guess who didn't show up? Go on, Bunny. Guess."

The Easter Bunny gulped, knowing exactly what she was talking about. "Uh-"

"It was _you_!"

The Easter Bunny started shaking. "W-wait. L-let me explain!"

Bonnie backed off a little, still death-glaring him. "Explain."

"Y-you and your sister were teenagers the first year I didn't come, right?"

Bonnie wasn't sure where he was going with this. "Right...?"

"Well, by the age of thirteen, most kids stop believing in me, so I stop coming to their houses."

A tense silence followed as Bonnie let that information sink in. She snarled, "That's a _stupid reason_!" She grinned evilly. "And, anyway, my vengeance will commence, for I've got big plans...for your _fur_."

"My fur?" The Easter Bunny hugged himself in fear.

"I'm gonna shave your fur! Ha! Betcha didn't see _that_ coming, did ya? Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get my shaving cream and razors." Bonnie strolled triumphantly off-screen.

When she was gone, McKenzie, wearing her fedora, ran up to the cage and pulled a bobby pin out of her hair, much to the Bunny's surprise. "Uh... Wait a minute. Are you an O.W.C.A. agent?"

McKenzie started picking the lock with her bobby pin, though she was a little surprised at the question. "You know about us?"

"Yeah, I've been asked to join, but I'm more of a lover than a fighter."

"Makes sense." She unlocked the cage and opened the door. "Now, get out of here, before Bonnie comes back."

"Thanks." The Easter Bunny quickly retreated. "Happy Easter!"

McKenzie returned to pet-mode, as Bonnie came in with a razor and a bottle of shaving cream. "Hey," Bonnie said in confusion, "where's the Easter Bunny?" McKenzie only chattered. Bonnie quickly realized what she'd done. "Did I lose my marbles, again?" Her pet gave another chatter.

*Kitchen*

"These look great, Perry," Phineas praised.

Perry shrugged modestly. His eggs were only a simple color.

"How the heck did you manage to teach this guy?" Candace asked, annoyed. "When I tried, all I got was egg soup."

"Did you try a spontaneous musical number?" Ferb asked.

"Well, uh," Candace stuttered. The thought had never occurred to her. "N-not really."

Linda smiled. "Well, you all did a great job."

"So, now what do we do with them?" Perry asked.

Lawrence answered, "Well, now we put some salt on them and eat them."

Perry an egg and the salt shaker, salted the egg _without_ peeling it, and bit it. He then decided that he didn't like the taste. **(another "It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown!" reference)**

-A few days later-

_*Applebottom on Easter Sunday*_

Janet yawned as she walked out of her bedroom. She did a double-take, when she noticed a yellow egg sitting by the couch. She picked it up in confusion. Where did it come from? She spotted a blue egg under the coffee table.

She grinned, realizing what had finally happened, after all these years. She jumped up and down, like a giddy child. "The Easter Bunny! The Easter Bunny! The Easter Bunny!"

**The End**

* * *

**Review, and Happy Easter!**


	4. Law and Disorder

**Summary: Brooke's brother accuses Heinz of never divorcing Charlene, and they go to court because of it. (Judge Trudy and the bailiff from "The Amanda Show" guest star.)**

**This is kind of a ****_The Amanda Show_**** cross-over, but whatever.**

* * *

**Law and Disorder**

*Heinz's Building*

Heinz, fully dressed, stood over his wife's sleeping form. He marveled at how peaceful she looked. The light of the morning was shining through the window, giving her long brown hair a golden hue.

"Aw," Heinz cooed softly, "she looks like a little angel." He nudged her. "Wakey, wakey, eggs and...something-y."

"Mm, put the lime in coconut," Brooke muttered as she slowly regained consciousness.

"Good morning," Heinz sang. "Do you know what day it is?"

Brooke groaned and grabbed her pillow. "The day I question why I married a morning-person?" She pressed the pillow against her face.

Heinz rolled his eyes playfully. "No, silly. It's the first Saturday of the month."

Brooke bolted upright, grinning. "I'm up!"

"I knew that would wake you up. As know - and I'm explaining solely so that the readers will understand what's happening - on the first Saturday of each month, I make drizzle drench toast **(**_**Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends**_** reference)**, which is pretty much the only Drusselstinian food that tastes good. Or, that has any flavor at all, for that matter. I only make it once a month, because it wouldn't be special, otherwise. Also, when I was a small boy, my parents never let me eat it-"

Brooke, fully dressed her usual gray pantsuit with her hair up in a high bun, interrupted, "Heinz, I think the readers get the point."

"How did you get dressed so fast?"

*Doofenshmirtz Kitchen*

Heinz, Brooke, and Vanessa sat the table, eating Heinz's drizzle drench toast, which looked like brown french toast, covered in syrup.

Vanessa swallowed and smiled, "Dad, you have _got_ to give us the recipe."

Heinz wiggled his finger. "No, no. It's a secret recipe that my mother gave to Roger, whom I stole it from. But, maybe if you ladies are really nice to me, I could show you a thing or two about-"

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Oh, brother."

"MAY I HAVE SOME DRIZZLE DRENCH TOAST?" Norm asked, poking his head into the kitchen.

Heinz glanced at him, somewhat amused. "Norm, we've been over this. You're a robot. You don't eat."

"UNDERSTOOD." Norm left.

The door bell rang, and Brooke stood up. "I'll get it." She walked to the door and opened it, revealing a man older than her, with slightly messy brown hair, brown eyes, and a frown on his face. "David? What are you doing here?"

"Hey, lil' sis," he greeted. "I need to speak with Doofus."

Brooke turned around and called, "Heinz, my brother wants to talk to you."

"Which one?" Heinz called back.

"Does it matter? They both hate you."

"Good point." Heinz and Vanessa walked in. "Oh, hello, David."

Vanessa smiled at him. "Hey, David."

David smiled back. "Hello, Vanessa." He frowned again and handed Heinz a piece of paper.

"What's this?" Heinz asked, examining it.

Brooke skimmed over it and exclaimed in dismay, "A lawsuit!?"

"What!?" Heinz was equally shocked. "Why would you sue me?"

David got in his face, frightening Heinz. "For marrying my sister, when you're already married to someone else!"

This drew gasps from the girls and Heinz, who was offended at the accusation. "I am _not_!"

"Oh, yes, you are! See you in court, pharmacist. David is out." He flashed two fingers as he left. "Peace!"

Brooke, still processing what just happened, closed the door.

Vanessa voiced her thoughts. "Uh, what just happened?"

Heinz, however, was panicking. "I'm not married to anyone else! I swear! I was framed! Charlene and I are divorced! My watermelon-"

Brooke, despite her confusion, spoke evenly. "Heinz, calm down. We'll get this sorted out."

"How? You know David hates me. He's probably gonna get the best lawyer in Danville and-"

"He's not getting the best lawyer in Danville."

Vanessa asked, "How do you know?"

"Uh, because _I'm_ the best lawyer in Danville."

Heinz and Vanessa asked simultaneously, "You are?"

Brooke glared at them, a little offended. "Yes. Heinz, I'm going to do whatever it takes to help you win this case."

"Th-that's okay, Brooke. I can defend myself," Heinz assured.

Brooked laughed at this, then frowned. "That's not funny. No one wins without a good lawyer."

**(This song is a parody of **_**Technology vs. Nature**_** from the episode, "Perry Lays an Egg.")**

* * *

_Courtrooms not made for people without legal training._

_Trying to defend yourself is never done without complaining._

_Lawyers know what's necessary 'cause they always pay attention._

_That's how they close their cases without any intervention._

* * *

_Now I got you on the run._

_The plaintiff: zero, the defendant: one!_

* * *

*music*

* * *

_When a person sues someone, they never know just what is coming to them!_

_Law school teaches you the basics of the job._

_Then, you establish your own ways to defend!_

* * *

_So, if you think that can handle your own case, then let it go._

_'Cause us lawyers can do many things that you just wouldn't know_

_About._

* * *

_Before we've even begun,_

_Game over!_

_The plaintiff lost, the defendant won!_

_Game over!_

_The plaintiff lost, the defendant won!_

* * *

-Brooke-

So, how does it feel to have your briefcases handed to you on a plate, son?

* * *

*Court*

_This is the courtroom of Judge Trudy. If you have a beef, don't take the law in your own hands. Put your beef in the hands of Judge Trudy. Okay._

Heinz peeked into the courtroom.

The bailiff - a chubby African-American man - stood in front and yelled, "_On your feet_!" in a comically squeaky voice.

Everyone stood up, and the judge walked up to the podium. At least, Heinz thought she was the judge. She had short, curly brown hair and glasses and was probably younger than Vanessa.

"Alright," she said, "sit, sit, sit." She banged her gavel. "I am Judge Trudy."

Heinz closed the door. "Brooke, is the judge suppose to be a kid?"

Brooke gave him a strange look. "Kid?" She deflated. "Oh, please tell me it's not Trudy."

"Didn't you hear the narrator?"

"I didn't want to believe my ears."

To their surprise, Phineas came up to them. "Dr. and Mrs. D?"

"Phineas?" The couple said together.

Brooke asked, "What are you doing here?"

"He's my lawyer," David answered.

"Seriously?" Heinz asked.

Brooke chuckled in amusement. "Good luck, you two." She then muttered, "You'll need it."

Phineas ignored her. "Uh, guys, this won't put a strain on our friendship, will it?"

Heinz waved the question off. "Of course not, Phineas."

"Oh, good."

Heinz whispered to Brooke, "Unless he wins."

Brooke whispered back, "He's not going to win."

A man ran out of the courtroom, screaming, bees following close behind, while the others stared in shock and confusion.

The bailiff poked his head in the door, giggling. "He lost, so Judge Trudy had bees attack him." He left.

Brooke face-palmed. "And, that's only part of the reason why I don't like this judge."

"_Next case_!" Judge Trudy shouted.

"That's our cue."

The four of them walked in and took their places.

_The litigants for the next case are entering the courtroom. I just realized my shirt is on backwards._

"Now, Mr. Wi-" Judge Trudy began.

"E-excuse me," Heinz said, earning an annoyed look from his wife. "A-aren't you a little young to be a judge?"

Trudy was visibly irritated by the interruption. "Let me answer that question with one of my own." She pointed with her gavel to Phineas. "Isn't _he_ a little young to be a lawyer?"

Heinz glanced at Phineas. "Well, yes. Yes, he is."

"_Then shut your flapper-hole_!" Trudy banged her gavel.

"Hehehe. Flapper-hole. Hehehe," the bailiff giggled. "It's a mouth."

Trudy returned the matter at hand. "Now, as I was saying before I was so _rudely interrupted_, Mr. Winters, I understand you have a problem with your brother-in-law."

"That's right," David confirmed. He pointed at Heinz in outrage. "This man married my younger sister when he was already married to someone else!"

"Ack!" Trudy exclaimed in disgust.

The audience booed and started throwing potatoes at Heinz and Brooke.

"Judge Trudy," Heinz whined, "these people are pelting us with potatoes!"

Trudy banged her gavel three times. "There will be no potato-throwing in my courtroom!" She paused. "If you wanna throw something at them, throw lemons." The audience did just that. When they stopped, the judge said, "Now, Mr. Doofus-Shirts-"

"A-actually, it's _Dr. Doofenshmirtz_," Heinz corrected.

Trudy was getting fed up with him. "Okay, Dr. _Interruption-Pants_. Will you _please_ explain _why_ you married a woman when you were currently married to some other woman?"

"I didn't!" Heinz testified, anxious. "I was married to someone else, but I got a divorce with that person!"

"And, do you have any _proof_ of this _alledged_ divorce?"

Brooke answered as she opened her briefcase. "We do, Your Honor." She pulled out a paper. "I have the paperwork, right here." She brought the paper to Trudy. "This document clearly states that my client did _indeed_ file a divorce with his ex-wife."

"Your Honor," Phineas said, "my client has witnessed Dr. Doofenshirtz interacting with his ex-wife in public." David nodded in agreement.

Trudy looked at Heinz, as Brooke returned to her place beside him. "Dr. Doopleshmit-"

"Doofenshmirtz," Heinz corrected.

Exasperated, Trudy called, "_Bailiff_."

The bailiff walked up to Heinz spoke in a threatening tone. "Judge Trudy don't like gettin' corrected."

"Continue," Heinz squeaked in fear.

Trudy continued as though nothing happened. "Dr. Doomishmop, is it true that you interact with your ex-wife?"

"W-well, yes-"

"See?" David said triumphantly. "He admits it!"

Heinz continued, "But, it's in a platonic way!"

"Works for me." Trudy banged her gavel. "I find in favor of the defendant, Heinz Dorkenshnom." She glared at David, who couldn't believe he'd lost. "And, I sentence you to be tied to the giant floating baby head for the rest of the week."

"_What_?" David exclaimed.

"Ha!" Heinz gloated. "In your face, David! I won!"

The bailiff brought out the giant floating baby head and tied it to a protesting David. The bailiff then led them out of the room.

Judge Trudy banged her gavel. "Court dismissed. Bring in the dancin' lobsters."

_Phineas and Ferb Remix_ from the episode, 'Drusselsteinoween,' played as several giant lobsters came in. Everyone but Brooke started dancing.

Brooke glanced uncomfortably at the audience. "_This_ is why I hate this judge."

*Living Room*

Stacy and Ferb lie on the couch, exhausted.

Stacy spoke with a monotone. "All in favor of doing nothing for the rest of the day say, 'Ugh.'"

"Ugh," Ferb groaned.

Phineas came up to them and frowned when he saw the position they were in. "Whoa. Did I miss something?"

"You don't want to know," Stacy answered. "I'm just glad Perry found someone to take care of Candace."

Perry walked up to them. "Yeah, you two deserve some rest." He frowned at the startled looks the others gave him. "I'm still wearing a dress, aren't I?"

**The End**

* * *

**Don't worry. I'll clear up that last part in the next chapter. Don't forget to review!**


	5. Genetic Disorder

**Summary: Perry and Janet switch genders in an attempt to see who has it easier. Candace gets her wisdom teeth taken out, causing problems for Ferb and Stacy (based on the _Victorious_ episode, "Freak the Freak Out").**

**The episode takes place on the same day as "Law and Disorder." It should clear up that stuff at the end of it.**

* * *

**Genetic Disorder**

*Living Room*

Ferb, and Stacy - literally - dragged a dazed Candace into the house.

"Ugh," Candace groaned, voice muffled by the cotton in her mouth. "I gotta get my wisdom teeth out."

"You just did, Candace," Stacy said as she and Ferb sat Candace on the couch. Stacy said to Ferb, "Can't your parents or your brother help us?"

"Father's at work, Phineas is helping someone prepare for court, and Mum's assisting her cousin," Ferb answered.

"What does her cousin need help with?"

"Pretty much everything. She broke both of her arms in a motorcycle crash."

*Linda's Cousin's House* **(reference to the **_**Sam and Cat**_** episode, "#MommaGoomer")**

Linda, exasperated, held up an ear of corn as a messy woman with two broken arms was biting it, like an animal.

"_Turn the corn!_" Linda's cousin ordered.

"_Alright_," Linda snapped and turned the corn.

*Living Room*

"Okay," Stacy said. "According to the dentist we have to, uh," Stacy whipped out a sheet of paper and grimaced as she read it, "massage both sides of her jaw and flush out her gums with salt water every hour? Gross! How are we supposed to flush out her gums, anyway?" Ferb held up a hose-like device. "Oh, right. I forgot the dentist gave us that."

Candace, still dazed from the novicane, asked, "Where's Perry?"

_*Applebottom Putting Her Clothes On*_

Janet was in her jeans and had just put on a black tank-top, when Perry burst through her bedroom door. "Agent P?" Janet exclaimed. Her shock turned to anger. "I hope you realize that, if you had come ten seconds sooner, you would have seen me in my bra! Do you know how embarrassing that would have been?" Perry looked down in shame. "Honestly, you men have no idea what it's like being a girl." A snicker only added to her frustration. "What's so funny?"

Perry waved her off. "Oh, just you implying that being a girl is difficult."

"It is."

"_Please_," Perry retorted. "Girls get doors held open for them. They get wear to skirts and dresses, which are extremely comfortable - don't ask me how I know that** (Gaming the System)**. And, it's never awkward when they cry. Seriously, the life of a woman has got to be _way_ easier than that of a man."

Janet rolled her eyes. "Give me a break." She picked up her signature purple V-neck T-shirt from off her bed and put it on. "Since the beginning, men have been considered, 'superior' - which is totally stupid, if you ask me. So, you boys must be way better off than us girls."

Perry smirked. "Oh, are we now?"

Janet returned the look. "Is that a challenge?"

"Yes. Yes, it is. What do you say we find out exactly who has it easier: boys or girls?"

"Ah, the age-old question. Alright, but why don't we make this more interesting?"

This caught Perry's attention. "I'm listening."

"If I'm right, and men _do_ have it easier, then you have to clean my house every day for the rest of the week."

"Fine by me. And, if you're _wrong_," Perry's smirk widened as he thought of Candace, "you have to babysit a girl I know."

Janet chuckled, thinking that babysitting wouldn't be a problem, if she lost. _If_ she lost. "Deal. Just give me a scene change to build exactly what we're gonna need..."

*Living Room*

"Yeah, her anesthesia's worn off," Stacy said to the dentist over the phone. Candace was moaning in the background. "How do I know? Just listen." Stacy held the phone in front of her friend, who completely ignored her and continued moaning. Stacy held the phone back up to her ear. "Is that proof enough for you? ... Okay. Thanks." She hung up.

Candace - the cotton was still in her mouth - whined, "Where's my ice cream?"

Stacy turned toward the kitchen. "Ferb," she called, "Candace needs her ice cream."

In the kitchen, Ferb had quickly discovered that the strawberry ice cream was frozen solid. He currently held the pint upside-down over bowl and was banging on it with a spoon. The ice cream - so frozen, it was in the shape of the container it came out of - landed it the bowl with a _plunk_. Ferb sat the container down, jammed the spoon into the ice cream, and took the bowl into the living room. He handed it to his sister.

Candace took the bowl with an impatient, "Thank you." She pulled on the spoon, and the ice cream came out, still stuck to the spoon. "It's too hard!"

Stacy ignored her friend and turned to Ferb. "The dentist says we should press a bag of frozen peas to her jaw." She noticed that Ferb's gaze had begun locked on Candace. Stacy looked as well and was only half-surprised at what she saw. "That'll work, too," she said as she and Ferb stared at Candace, who had a dopey smile on her face as she pressed the hunk of ice cream against her jaw.

*Janet's Laboratory*

"This is the gender bender," Janet explained, as she and her nemesis gazed at the machine that somewhat resembled an elevator. "All you have to do is walk in, press a button, and boom. You're the opposite gender."

Perry looked it over, suddenly feeling unsure about this bet. What had he gotten himself into? "Is it safe?"

Janet shrugged. "Eh. Probably." She looked at Perry. "You first."

Perry crossed his arms. "I believe the term is, '_Ladies_ first.'"

"Yeah, but _you're_ going to turn _into_ a lady, so you go first."

Perry rolled his eyes. "Fine."

Janet watched smugly, as Perry started for the device. To her surprise, however, Perry grabbed her ankle and hurled her into the gender bender, which closed once she was inside.

Janet stood upright, angry. "Agent P, consider yourself lucky you didn't cause too much damage!" She pushed the red button inside.

A blinding light flashed from inside the device, and Perry shielded his eyes from it. The door opened, and Janet emerged from it as a _man_. He wore a purple T-shirt that showed off some rather impressive muscles, blue jeans, and black sneakers and his black hair was shorter.

"Did it work?" he asked. **(I imagine him sounding like Nathan Kress.)** "My voice sounds deeper. Does that mean it worked?"

Perry, upon recovering from the shock, nodded. "Oh, yeah. Definitely."

Janet smirked. "Excellent." He grabbed Perry and threw him into the machine.

It closed and Perry stood up, rubbing his head. "I see we're not beneath payback," he muttered. He jumped up and pressed the red button.

Janet shielded his eyes from the blinding light. Soon, a female Perry stepped out of the machine. She had longer eyelashes, lighter-colored fur, and slight curves.

"So," Perry said **(I think she would be voiced by Maia Mitchell)**, "am I a female?"

"Looks and sounds like it," Janet answered. There was an awkward pause. "Now what do we do?"

Perry shrugged. "I guess we just wander Danville and see how we feel about, uh, this."

*Flynn-Fletcher House*

Candace screamed as Stacy and Ferb chased her around the house. Ferb was carrying the hose-like device the dentist had given them.

"Candace!" Stacy called. "We have to flush out your gums with salt water!"

"Never!" Candace shouted.

"We're not gonna hurt you!"

"That's what all cartoon characters say!"

It was then that Stacy noticed that Ferb was no longer with her. She stopped and looked around. She was currently in Candace's room. "Hey, where's Ferb?"

Candace attacked her from behind and through her on to the bed, pinning her down.

Stacy was suddenly terrified - not for the first time - of her best friend. "We just wanna flush out your gums!"

"You will not come near my gums!" Candace shouted. Ferb suddenly appeared and yanked her by her hair, making her scream as she fell to the floor. She glared at her brother. "That was a dirty move, Ferb." Ferb only shrugged.

Stacy held down Candace, who continued screaming. "Ferb," Stacy said, "do you have that-" Before she could finish, Ferb held up the dentist's device. Stacy returned her attention to Candace. "Don't worry, Candace. This'll be over before you know it."

"Cartoon characters say _that_, too!" Candace protested.

Ferb silenced her by jamming the nozzle into her mouth. The awful taste of saltwater filled her mouth. She wanted to spit it all out but knew they would just give her more of it. She, unfortunately, would have to wait until it was time to spit it out.

*Danville*

**(This song is a parody of **_**Here's to Never Growing Up**_** by Avril Lavigne. I'm skipping the chorus that comes in the beginning of the song.)**

* * *

-Perry-

_Now that I'm a girl,_

_Feels like a different world._

_I can sing and twirl._

_All because my gender's changed._

-Janet-

_Now that I'm a guy,_

_My spirits are high._

_Don't need no disguise._

_All because my gender's changed._

* * *

-Perry-

_Hey._

_I know that I will win._

-Janet-

_Hey._

_I know that I will win._

-Perry and Janet-

_Hey._

_I am gonna win the bet._

* * *

-Perry-

_I have every single perk that a woman's got._

_Yeah, I'm feelin' so fine, and I'm lookin' so hot._

_It's confusing, but I'm going with the flow in this plot._

_I know_

-Perry and Janet-

_I am gonna win the bet!_

-Janet-

_This is crazy, but it's still pretty gosh-darn fun._

_Agent P is gonna lose. I will not be outdone._

_I'm a man. You should know this has only begun._

_I know_

-Perry and Janet-

_I am gonna win the bet!_

* * *

_Oh who-oa._

_Oh who-oa._

_I am gonna win the bet!_

_Oh who-oa._

_Oh who-oa._

_I am gonna win the bet!_

* * *

*Street*

"This is so cool!" Janet commented as he walked. "No one automatically assumes I'm weak, I'm considered the dominant gender. And, Agent P said this was hard. Ha! As stated in the song, I am _so_ winning this bet."

"Hi," a familiar voice greeted. Janet turned around to see his little sister gazing at him admiringly.

_Oh, no,_ he thought in dismay. _She's got that look._

"I'm Bonnie," Bonnie greeted, not noticing her sister/brother's discomfort. "What's your name?"

_Just go with it, Janet. Everything will be fine as long as you don't do anything that she might interpret as flirtatious. Shouldn't be too hard, considering you're talking to your sister._ "My name's Ja...ake. My's name Jake."

Bonnie grinned and cocked her head - something she always did when she was flirting. "It's nice to meet you, Jake. Are you new in Danville? If so, I could show you around."

"Uh, n-no thanks." Bonnie frowned. "I...memorized a map of the city. Yeah, that's what I did."

Bonnie smiled and cocked her head. "Okay. Maybe I'll see you around?"

"Y-yeah, sure, whatever."

"Later, handsome." Bonnie walked away, swinging her hips a little more than necessary.

Janet shuttered. "That was so weird." Someone suddenly grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. Janet gulped. A burly man about Bonnie's age stood before him, dressed in a stereotypical biker fashion. Behind him stood three similarly dressed men. "Hi," Janet squeaked.

The man holding him snarled, "Listen, I called dibs on Bonnie a long time ago, and I will _not_ let you take her from me." He glanced at his crew. "What do you guys say we teach this punk a lesson?"

Janet gulped again. "Y-you wouldn't hit a girl, would you?"

"No," the man answered, "but you're not a girl."

"Oh," Janet said, remembering the bet she had made with Agent P. "Right..."

*Googolplex Mall*

"That dress looks great on you," McKenzie commented when Perry walked out of the dressing room.

Perry was in a baby blue sundress. She figured she'd enjoy wearing skirts and dresses while it lasted and still couldn't believe she'd met up with her girlfriend during the day. "Uh, thanks, but I doubt I'll ever wear it again."

McKenzie leaned against the wall. "Well, I think you should get it, anyway. Who knows? You might need it for a date, or something."

Perry highly doubted that, considering she'd be a boy again at the end of the day. She hated to trick McKenzie, like this but would explain later. "I don't think so. I didn't exactly plan on meeting you, so I didn't bring much money, anyway."

"I have money."

"No way. You're not paying for this."

"Sure I will. You just pay me back later, Peggy."

Perry didn't like doing this, but she had to keep her cover. "Well...if you insist. Why are you offering, anyway. I mean, we just met."

McKenzie shrugged. "You just remind of someone."

"I wonder who that could be," Perry muttered.

McKenzie didn't pick up on the sarcasm. "You remind me of my boyfriend, actually. He's just like you. Even your names are similar. You're Peggy, and he's Perry."

Perry faked surprise. "Really? What are the odds of that?"

"Pretty slim. Hm..." McKenzie regarded her suspiciously. Perry was worried her cover was blown, until, "Are you, by any chance, related to Perry?"

That was close. "Uh, not that I know of."

-Later-

*Janet's Laboratory*

Perry paced the lab, waiting for Janet. She stunned to see Janet limp in the room, covered in bruises and his clothing torn. "Wow," was all Perry say.

"They expected me to fight back!" Janet exclaimed. "Why would they expect that?"

Still curious about what happened, Perry shrugged. "You're a guy."

"Well, I can't stand it! I got beaten up! No one's done that to me since high school! Plus, my _sister_ flirted with me!" Perry grimaced at the thought. "I know, right? And, to top it off, I had to use a _boy toilet_! A boy toilet, Agent P! I don't even know if I did it right!"

Perry felt a guilty pleasure at seeing the distress on his nemesis's face. "You know, there's a word for 'boy toilets.'"

"I don't care! You were right! The life of a guy is really hard! You win the bet! I'll babysit your friend! I just want my femininity back!"

-Later-

*Janet's Living Room*

Stacy, Ferb, and a much calmer Candace were there. Perry and Janet had returned to their original genders.

"Are you wearing a dress?" Stacy asked.

"Yeah," Perry answered, embarrassed. "I still don't understand why the gender bender didn't turn it into men's clothes, or something."

"What?"

"Just tell Janet how to babysit Candace."

Candace blinked in confusion. "Babysit?"

Stacy, still confused, looked at Janet, who was holding the dentist's hose. "Well, uh, Janet, you have to massage both sides of her jaw and, every hour, use that hose-looking-thing to flush out her gums with salt water."

Janet grimaced. "Gross!"

"It's not nearly as bad as it sounds," Ferb assured.

Janet visibly relaxed. "Oh. Good."

Ferb then whispered to Perry, "It's actually much worse." Perry nodded smugly.

*Cafe*

"So, what did you want to tell me?" McKenzie asked Perry, who was sitting across from her at the table.

Perry pulled out a box. "Well, first I think you should have this."

"A present? What's the occasion?"

"Just open it."

McKenzie opened the box, revealing the dress she'd brought the female-Perry. She smiled. "Love it. You know something? I actually bought a new friend this same dress, earlier today."

Perry handed over some money. "I believe you told me to pay you back?"

"Pay me back? For what?"

"Well, you said Peggy was a lot like me and that you bought her this dress, and the thing about that is-"

"Wait, how do you know about-" Realization struck McKenzie. She grimaced. "Ew. That's weird. That is super weird."

*Janet's Living Room*

"Candace?" Janet called. Candace was nowhere to be seen. "I just wanna massage your jaw. Candace?" Candace sprang down on her from the ceiling. They fell to the floor, and Candace quickly managed to pin Janet down. "I just wanna massage your stinking' jaw!"

"Stay away from my jaw!" Candace shouted.

**The End**

* * *

**I was gonna have Stacy get her wisdom teeth out, but I thought it would make more sense for Candace to go nuts.**

**Review, and such!**


	6. Love is Not in the Air

**Summary: Phineas and Isabella go on a date, but Phineas keeps getting distracted. Meanwhile, Ferb seems out of it, which worries Perry.**

**This episode contains Phinabella and a surprise twist! Yay! I'm twisty! Sorry. I'm also hopped up on pink lemonade. X)**

* * *

**Love is Not in the Air**

*Backyard*

The two brothers sat against their tree, as Perry stood before Phineas and gave him a rather confusing pep talk. "Alright, Flynn. When the time comes, ya gotta hit it on the head. I want you to tie it up and toss it on the sidewalk for trash day. And, keep dancing. They can't touch you, if you're dancing."

"What does that mean?" Phineas asked.

"I'm not sure, but it was helpful in a movie I saw."

Phineas stood up. "Thanks, Perry - I think - but all I'm doing is asking Isabella out on a date."

Perry gave a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, that's _all_ you're doing. Phineas, this isn't as easy as it sounds. Girls can be quick to reject. You have to do it right. Now, as you know, Isabella's liked you for a while. But, one wrong move could still scare her away. Don't come on too strong, or else you'll blow it, and your entire relationship with her will forever be awkward. No pressure."

_Sounds like a lot of pressure to me_, Phineas thought, suddenly unsure of whether or not he still wanted to do this.

Perry went into pet-mode as Isabella appeared and said, "Hey, Phineas. Whatcha doin'?"

Phineas gulped. It was now or never. "H-hey, Isabella. Uh, I-I-I was wondering, um, maybe... Do you, um..."

Isabella frowned. "Is this a bad time?"

"No, it's just... I think, uh..." Phineas started scratching his ear. "Do you wanna, maybe, g-go do s-something with me?"

Ferb smirked and rolled his eyes, while Perry glanced knowingly at the audience.

Isabella quickly processed what he'd said. "You mean, like, a date?"

Phineas gulped. "Y-yes?"

When she didn't answer, and instead frowned and walked away, Phineas was close to panic. Did he do something wrong? "I-Isabella?"

Isabella walked out of the backyard, closed the gate behind her, and screamed in joy.

She walked calmly back to Phineas, who was relieved she came back. She answered, "I would love to go on a date with you, Phineas."

Phineas frowned and left the backyard. After closing the gate behind him, he shouted, "Woo-hoo! I didn't mess up!" He walked calmly back to Isabella and asked, "So, what do you wanna do, today?"

Isabella shrugged. "I don't know. I guess we could always walk around and see if something interests us."

"Okay." Phineas and Isabella waved goodbye to Ferb and Perry. "Bye, guys! Have fun while we're gone!"

As soon as they were gone, Perry stood up, put his fedora back on, and said to Ferb, "'Bout time those two got together, eh, Ferbooch?" Ferb sighed. Perry frowned in worry. "Are you okay?" Ferb nodded, but Perry wasn't so sure.

*Street*

"See anything you might wanna do, Isabella?" Phineas asked as they roamed Danville.

Isabella shrugged. "Personally, I don't care what we do, as long as it's just the two of us, Phineas." She stopped. Phineas was gone. "Phineas?" She spotted Phineas looking through the hardware store window and walked over to him. "Oh, there you are." She frowned. "Uh, Phineas?"

Phineas wasn't listening. He was gazing in awe at the buzz saw that a man in the building was demonstrating. "Just look at the teeth on that baby."

Isabella looked through the window and gazed in awe at...a baby in a stroller, who had his mouth open, showing two little teeth. "Aw, he's so cute!" Then, she realized what Phineas was looking at and frowned, her eyes have lidded in annoyance. "You mean the buzz saw, don't you?"

"Yeah..." Phineas blinked in realization. "Oh, sorry, Isabella. I didn't mean to desert you, but you know how I am with tools and building in general."

Isabella let out a breath and smiled. "That's okay. So, whatcha wanna do?"

"Well, I wanna take a closer look at that buzz saw, but I guess I can do that later."

*Backyard*

"Am I the only one who's uncharacteristically bored?" Perry asked. He and Ferb were still sitting under the tree.

Ferb shook his head, and Perry went into pet-mode as Buford and Baljeet came into the yard.

"'Sup, Bean Pole McGee?" Buford said to Ferb. "Where's Dinner Bell?"

To Perry's surprise, Ferb's tone had the slightest hint of longing in it. "On a date with Isabella."

"Really? Huh. 'Bout time those two got together."

"So, do you have any plans, Ferb?" Baljeet asked. Ferb shook his head, so Baljeet said to Buford, "In that case, perhaps we should start on our history project."

Buford just looked at him. "Dude, that's not due 'til next week. We got time."

"But, if we wait until the last minute, we may end up rushing to get it finished and turning in a sloppy project." When Buford didn't respond, Bajeet sighed. "You can mock me, while I do all the work."

Buford smiled. He loved mocking his nerd. "See ya, Ferb," he said. He hoisted Baljeet over his shoulder. "Let's go to my place and get started."

As they were leaving, Baljeet called, "Goodbye, Ferb and Perry."

When they were gone, Perry stood up and put on his fedora. "Alright, kid," he said gently to Ferb, "what's bugging you?" Ferb blinked. "Don't give me that. You seemed upset, when you mentioned Phineas and Isabella. Any particular reason?"

Ferb looked down. "It's just-"

Perry's wrist-comm beeped, and he groaned in annoyance. He said to Ferb, "We are not through with this conversation."

*Street*

Phineas and Isabella stopped in front of Yours Truly Yogurt **(reference to Sincerely Yogurt)**. "Up for frozen yogurt?" Phineas asked.

Isabella nodded. "Yes. Yes, I am."

They went inside. The walls were pink, and the tile-floor was cream-colored. There were seats in the front of the shop, self-serve yogurt dispensers in the back, the a toppings bar in between.

Phineas and Isabella each grabbed a disposable bowl by the yogurt dispensers. They looked over the different flavors, unsure of what to get.

"What do you think I should get, Phineas?" Isabella asked. "Cookies 'n' cream, mint chocolate, birthday cake? It all sounds so good."

"Yeah," agreed Phineas. "If only there was a way to taste every...flavor..."

"Uh-oh. I just lost you, didn't I?" **(Meapless in Seattle)**

Phineas grinned. "That's it! I know I'm gonna do, tomorrow! I'm gonna create the ultimate flavor! It'll be sweet, salty, sour, spicy - all the S's!"

Isabella playfully rolled her eyes. "Oh, Phineas."

She decided on strawberry kiwi, and Phineas picked cookie dough. Next, they looked over the toppings.

As Isabella started putting blueberries on her yogurt, Phineas mused, "This seems a little inefficient. Maybe this place needs topping dispensers, like the one's they have for the frozen yogurt. Maybe, Ferb and I should make them some."

Isabella rolled her eyes again. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

Phineas poured chocolate sprinkles on his yogurt. They payed for their treats and sat down at one of the tables.

"That's it!" Phineas exclaimed. "Tomorrow, Ferb and I'll make our own frozen yogurt shop! We'll call, uh, Ferb-Gurt!" Isabella looked blankly at him, and Phineas chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. That's a dumb name."

"Uh, Phineas," Isabella began, "I'm fine with you planning cool stuff to do over the weekend, but I was kind of hoping we could just, you know, be together?"

Phineas frowned in confusion. "We are together."

"Well, yeah, but I meant be together and focus on each other. Not inventing or planning or Perry's whereabouts or-"

"Where do you suppose Perry is, right now, anyway?"

Isabella face-palmed.

*Agent P's Lair*

"Oh, Agent P," Monogram exclaimed in surprise. "Sorry. I must have called you by mistake." Perry raised an eyebrow. "You see, Carl's been teaching me how to use the computers, and well, it's not going so well. So, uh, you're dismissed, I suppose."

Perry saluted - more out of habit, than anything - as the screen went blank. "Well, that happened," he said as he walked off-screen.

He took a tube that led up to the tree in the backyard. As he walked into the yard, he was surprised to hear music. Well, not that surprised. It _was_ Danville, after all.

**(This song is a parody of **_**Used To**_** by Daughtry. Ferb's voice sounds like Chris Daughtry in it.)**

* * *

-Ferb-

_You used to come to me_

_When he would break your heart to bits._

_I used to comfort you_

_When you went into lovesick fits._

_You used to talk to me_

_Like I was the only one around._

* * *

_Until now._

_'Cause now you're out with him._

* * *

_I used to have this figured out._

_I used to breath without a doubt._

_When nights were clear,_

_You were the first star that I'd see._

_I used to have this under control._

_I never thought. I used to know._

_Now you're with him,_

_And you're not with me._

_Can we get this back?_

_Can we get this back_

_To how it used to be?_

* * *

Perry gasped in realization, and Ferb whipped around, only just noticing his pet's presence. Perry's gaze turned sympathetic. "You have a crush on Isabella." Ferb sighed. Perry walked over and put a comforting hand on Ferb's shoulder. "It's okay, Ferb. I know what it's like to love someone, who doesn't love you back. Happens to everyone, eventually." When Ferb didn't respond, Perry asked, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Ferb nodded, walked over to the tree, sat down, and patted the space next to him. Perry sat down too, and Ferb began speaking. "I've loved her for a good while now. She's beautiful, intelligent, and kind, yet she's also independent and unafraid of defending herself and others. Still, I'm glad she finally has Phineas."

"But, does that bother you?"

"Phineas is my beloved brother, and Isabella is my dear friend. As long as they're happy, I can learn to live with this." Perry nodded in understanding. "Out of curiosity, what girl didn't love _you_ back?"

"Remember when we thought McKenzie was evil?" Ferb nodded. "Well... There you go."

*Park*

Isabella, fuming, sat on the park bench, her arms crossed. Where the heck was Phineas?

"Isabella!" She didn't move, when Phineas ran enthusiastically to her. "I just saw two pigeons fighting over a donut! It was really funny!"

Isabella got off the bench and put hands on her hips. "I _thought_ you were getting us lemonade."

Phineas frowned. "Whoops. Sorry, Isabella. I guess I got sidetracked."

Isabella took a deep breath and relaxed her arms. "It's okay, Phineas. Why don't we head back?"

Phineas smiled again. "Want me to walk you home?"

"No, thanks. I just need to speak with your brother."

*Backyard*

"I know _exactly_ what you mean, kid," Perry said. "Just remember: Women are crazy. Your sister's living proof of that." He went into pet-mode, when Phineas and Isabella walked into the yard.

Phineas was grinning, and Ferb could tell he was excited to tell him and Perry all about his date. However...Ferb couldn't help but notice how fake Isabella's smile was. What was wrong? Didn't she have fun with Phineas?

Phineas spoke first. "Hey, guys! I can't wait to tell you all about today_ and_ what we're gonna do, tomorrow!" Isabella cleared her throat. "Oh, right. Ferb, Isabella wanted to talk to you."

"Alone," Isabella added.

"Okay," Phineas replied. "C'mon, Perry. Let's go see if Mom has snacks ready for us." Perry chattered as he followed Phineas into the kitchen.

Once they were gone, Isabella dropped her façade. Ferb's heart clenched as he saw her faux happiness melt into real hurt. She sat beside him, and he put his arm around her, pulling her closer.

"I must have pictured my first date with Phineas a hundred times," Isabella began, "but none of them were like _this_. He barely even acknowledged me. He'd start to take an interest in me, but then he'd become more interested in something else. He even interrupted me just to ask where Perry was."

"Phineas cares about you," Ferb assured. "Sometimes, his imagination just gets the better of him."

This didn't reassure Isabella. "You weren't there, Ferb." To Ferb's surprise and delight, Isabella laid down on her side and rested her head on his lap. Ferb started rubbing her side in a soothing motion. "Phineas _does_ get distracted, sometimes, but it's never been _this_ bad. Maybe he doesn't like me as much as I thought." She wiped the forming tears from her eyes. "What do you think, Ferb?"

Ferb hated seeing her this upset. "I think you should focus on what you have, not what you want."

Isabella sat up, and Ferb put his arm back around her. "You're right, Ferb. I may not have Phineas's undivided attention, but I still have him. And, I have other friends, like you." She paused. "Why do you put up with me moping about Phineas, anyway?"

"Anything to make you happy, Bella," Ferb said simply.

"Bella?"

"It's Italian for beautiful." Ferb threw his hand over his mouth, realizing what he'd just said.

Isabella smiled, and Ferb could have sworn she was blushing. "Oh. Okay." She stood up. "I guess I'll tell Phineas we should just be friends. It's kind of ironic. I've been fantasizing about dating him, and now I'm breaking with him after our first date."

She went inside, and Ferb was left to his thoughts. Moments later, a sad Phineas was sitting next to him, and Ferb had his arm around him in a more brotherly manner.

"Isabella doesn't want to be my girlfriend," Phineas said. "I really thought she liked me. Maybe I came on too strong for her."

**The End**

* * *

**Oh, Phineas. We know you mean well.**

**I'm usually more of a Phinabella shipper, but I just got that idea after reading HalyPooh's fic, "Not My Cup of Tea." If you like Ferbella - and even if you're not it's biggest fan - then I recommend you check it out. It's really good.**

**Review and such!**


	7. Trade Secrets

**Summary: The agents, reluctantly, take part in a trust exercise. This reveals some interesting things about them, including Perry's family knowing he's a secret agent. (Based on the _True Jackson, VP_ episode, "Company Retreat.")**

* * *

**Trade Secrets**

*O.W.C.A. Headquarters*

The agents sat in the meeting room, chatting. They were all wondering what the meeting was about. However, some, like Perry, couldn't have cared less.

McKenzie was sitting beside him, genuinely curious. "Whatcha think we're doin' here?"

Perry shrugged. "Beats me. Probably something stupid."

Major Monogram called the agents to order. "Quiet down, everyone. Now, as you all know, it's about time for our annual trust exercise."

The agents groaned. Perry whispered to McKenzie, "Like I said: something stupid."

Rolling his eyes, MM said, "Okay, okay. I know this isn't the _most_ exciting part of the job, but trust between agents _is_ important. That said, Carl's cousin has come to initiate some sort of trust exercise that's supposed to make agents closer, or something."

As if on cue, a man in his twenties came up from behind him. He short, light brown hair, glasses, and a blue business uniform. "Greetings, agents," he began. "My name is Victor Wright. 'Cause I'm always right." This earned another groan from the agents, which Victor ignored. "Today, I will be initiating a special exercise that will build trust between you all." He turned to Major Monogram. "Is it okay if I stand on the table?" MM gave him a strange look. "Just to be sure that everyone can see."

"Oh," MM said. "Um, very well then."

Victor climbed up on to the table. "Carl, come up here." A little surprised, Carl climbed on to the table as well. The cousins walked to the middle of the table, and Victor stood behind Carl. "Now, Carl, I want you to lean back, as if you were falling. But, you won't fall, because I'm going catch you."

Carl smiled. "Cool. I've actually seen this done on TV."

"Where do you think I got the idea from? Now, cousin, fall into my awaiting arms." Carl fell backwards, but Victor stepped out of the way, and Carl fell on to the table. Victor knelt down beside him. "Now, when you fell, you trusted me to catch you. Instead, I moved out of the way, thus betraying your trust." Carl nodded in agreement. Victor stood up and addressed the agents. "Everybody clear on that?"

None of them knew how to respond.

McKenzie whispered to Perry, "Well, that happened."

Perry smirked and whispered playfully "Don't steal my catchphrase," to which his girlfriend rolled her silver-blue eyes good-naturedly.

Carl stood up, and Victor said to him. "Now, lean back, and this time I _will_ catch you."

Carl wasn't so sure. "O-okay."

He leaned back but stopped himself from falling. He looked behind him. Victor was there with his arms out, and Carl relaxed. He fell back, but Victor moved aside again, and Carl fell on the table. Again.

Carl stood back up in outrage. "What was that for?"

"Please get off the table," Victor requested. Carl grumbled but obliged. Victor pulled a small stack of index cards from somewhere and handed it to Peter the Panda, telling him to pass them around. Once everyone had a card, Victor took out a card of his own and a pen. "Now, I am going to take my card, and I'm going to write my name and a secret." He proceeded to do so. "Something I wouldn't want anyone to know. Then, I'm going to put it in the paper shredder so that no one can read it."

McKenzie whispered to Perry, "This is time we're never gonna get back." Perry nodded in agreement.

Victor stuffed the card in his pocket. "But, first, I want all of you to write your name and a secret. Something you wouldn't want anyone to know." The agents did so. "Now, I will come around and collect your index cards." Upon seeing the uneasy glances between the agents, he assured, "And, don't worry. I promise not to read any of your secrets." He walked around and collected the cards. Upon doing so, he shuffled them, like this was a game of poker. "And, now I will randomly give a card to each of you-"

The agents' disapproving chatter interrupted him.

Major Monogram called the agents to order. "Just roll with it. We need to trust our fellow agents."

"Also, we're paying him," Carl added.

"We are?"

"Oops. Did I forget to mention that?"

Ignoring them, Victor handed each agent a random card. "Alright," he said once each agent had one. "Now read them."

Even more disapproving chatter came from the agents. Peter the Panda asked hastily, "W-why don't we try the falling down thing again? Carl, get up there!"

Victor honked an air horn that he suddenly had, and everyone quieted down. "This is all part of the exercise. You have to trust whoever got your secret not to tell anyone what it is. We will meet back here at four 'o' clock. Dismissed."

Monogram said haughtily, "Excuse me, but only _I_ dismiss the agents." After a pause, he addressed the agents, "Dismissed."

Not long after that, Perry, Barry the Beaver, and Derek the Duck stood in the break room, discussing the situation at hand. None of them were very happy about it.

"I don't get the point of this exercise," Derek was saying. "I trust you guys. I trust...most of the other agents. And, frankly, I do _not_ need anybody knowing my secret."

Barry shrugged, not seeing what the big deal was. "What's wrong with people knowing?"

Derek stared at him in shock. "What's wrong? Dude, someone _knows my secret_."

"Someone knows mine too." Barry smiled. "Personally, I think this is a good way to build trust between us agents."

"You are one weird beaver." Derek realized something and turned to his other friend. "You're offly quiet, Perry."

Perry was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and was staring at the floor. He looked up at the sound of his name. "Just thinking about my secret. And, the one I received. And, Barry, I _do_ agree that this will probably build some trust among the agency-"

"Ha!" Barry gloated to Derek.

"-but it _is_ a huge invasion of privacy."

Now it was Derek, who gloated, "Ha!" to Barry.

McKenzie strolled in then. "'Sup Perry, Barry, and...Kev...in..."

"_Derek_," Derek corrected. Why didn't she ever remember his name?

McKenzie laughed, "Yeah. I still don't care." She turned to the beaver. "Barry, let's talk secrets."

"And, when you're done with that," Perry said to his girlfriend, "I'd like to discuss _your_ secret."

McKenzie frowned. "Oh. You got it."

"Is that bad?"

"Well, i-it's embarrassing, so... Come on, Barry. Let's talk." She quickly left the room. Barry glanced at his friends, shrugged, then followed.

When they were gone, Derek asked Perry, "Hey, does your girlfriend like me?"

Perry did _not_ want to answer that question. He called, "Coming," to no one and quickly fled the break room. Not long after, a certain panda bear came up to him, a smug smile on his face. Perry's eyes became half-lidded. "Can I help you?"

"I know your secret," Peter told him.

Perry's expression remained neutral, but his eye twitched. Of all agents... "I don't care."

Peter didn't lose his smirk. "Sure ya do." He leaned in and whispered, "Your owners know you're a secret agent. You certainly wouldn't want this information to, say, leak out to Major Monogram, would you?"

Perry sighed. "What do you want, Peter?"

Peter tapped his chin in faux thought. "Hm, excellent question. What could I possibly want?"

"Peter."

"Alright. I'll tell you what I want. It's actually quite simple. I want your girlfriend."

Perry's eyes widened at the statement, as well as the casual way Peter had said it. "What?"

"McKenzie's everything I like in a lady. She's pretty, can kick butt, and she plays hard to get."

"She doesn't play hard to get. She hates you."

Peter waved off his comment. "Pfft. You just want her to yourself. Perry, unless you want Monogram knowing about your owners, then you should probably give her up." Perry just looked at him. "What? What's with the look?"

"Let's if I've got you figured out," Perry began. "You like McKenzie for her looks and her skills in combat, yet you know pretty much _nothing else_ about her?"

Peter's smirk never faltered. "Yes."

"And, you want me to break up with her so that you can swoop in, like Prince Charming, and take her for yourself?"

"Yes."

"And, if I refuse, you'll tell the major about you-know-what?"

"Yes."

Perry glared daggers. "Peter the Panda, I am both shocked and disgusted."

Now Peter frowned. "Why's that?"

"For one thing, you're threatening a fellow agent."

Peter shrugged. "I don't see how. I tell Major Monogram, and you'll probably get relocated. You should be happy at thought of leaving those two pesky little know-it-alls."

Perry's eye twitched again. "Beg your pardon?"

Peter didn't notice Perry's increasing anger. "You know, those kids with the funny-looking heads. What were their names? Uh..." He snapped his fingers in remembrance. "Phineas and Ferb. Those two. Just because they can make some fancy-shmancy gadgets, they think they're all that and a sack of potatoes." Perry gritted his teeth. "Come to think of it, maybe I'd be doing you a favor by telling Monogram. You wouldn't have to put up with those jerks anymore."

That did it. Instead of slamming Peter against the wall, like he wanted to, Perry jammed his finger to Peter's chest, catching the panda off-guard. "Let's get something straight here. My boys are not - I repeat, _not_ - jerks, know-it-alls, or any other false accusations you can pin on them." Unfortunately, Perry didn't notice that he was speaking increasingly louder. "They're the greatest kids in world! They're nice, they're smart, and everything they build is amazing! Do you hear me, Panda!? _Amazing_! Just like they are!"

Frightened, Peter gently said, "Perry, calm down."

Perry ignored him. By now the other agents were staring, but neither of them noticed. Perry was yelling now. "I cannot believe that you would say that about them, _when you don't even know them_! Just like you don't know McKenzie! So shut your big, fat pie-hole, and _go be a pain in the neck somewhere else_!"

Peter didn't waste time. Horrified, he zoomed the heck away from there.

Perry felt a hesitant tap on his shoulder and whipped around to find his girlfriend staring at him in shocked silence. Perry blinked twice, and his face flushed in embarrassment. He turned sheepishly to the agents that had gathered around to see what all the commotion was about. Perry spoke quietly. "Y-you guys can go about your business now."

When they didn't move, McKenzie grew irritated and waved her arms in the air, yelling, "Shoo! Go be extras somewhere else!" The crowd quickly dispersed, and McKenzie put her hand on Perry's shoulder and asked gently, "You okay?"

Perry took a deep breath, like the one Candace took in the episode, 'Bee Day.' "Well, that happened."

McKenzie figured now wasn't the best time to ask, but she had to know. "Um, _what_ happened, exactly?"

Perry bit his lower bill and gestured for McKenzie to follow. He led her silently into the janitor's closet **(**_**Victorious**_** reference. On that show, the janitor's closet is often used for private conversations.)**. Upon entering, he closed the door, leaned against it, crossed his arms, and avoided McKenzie's worried gaze. "I lost it."

After a moment, McKenzie asked, "But, _why_ did you lose it?"

Perry sighed and put his head in his hands. "He was making fun of Phineas and Ferb, and I lost it, okay?"

McKenzie took his hands. "Everyone knows how much you care about them. No one will think less of you."

Perry jerked his hands away and pointed to himself. "_I_ think less of me. I've always prided myself on an even temperament. On staying calm and collected, no matter what. Did I do that, just now? No. No, I did not. I exploded, Mack. I-" He sighed again.

"Could've been worse," McKenzie assured. "You could have beat him up."

"I was," he pinched his thumb and forefinger together, "this close to it."

"Perry, nobody's perfect, and you have a mostly clean record. I'm sure everyone will get over this. Peter, too." She paused in realization. She put her hands on her hips. "Okay, since when am _I_ the reasonable one in our relationship?"

Perry chuckled at this. He then frowned. "Uh, while we're in a mostly private area, I wanted to talk about your secret. You wrote down that most of the agency doesn't like you. Care to explain?"

McKenzie frowned sadly and crossed her arms. "It's because they think I went rogue, last summer."

"But, that was an evil clone."

"I know, but most of the agents don't believe that. I can't say I blame them, but-"

Perry put up his hand in a 'stop' motion. "Mack, it's like you said: Nobody's perfect. Give it some time, and they'll eventually trust you again." He smirked. "Plus, dating a top agent - me - is bound to give you a few brownie points."

McKenzie smiled. "You're right. You know what's weird? We always act like we don't give a rat's pajamas about our problems, but we're actually just ignoring the fact that we need help, sometimes. I mean, what is that? Why do we do that?"

Perry shrugged. "I guess we just forget that everyone has their problems. Here's a problem for ya: How are we going to leave this closet without people thinking that we're making out?"

McKenzie simply walked out the closet, and a smiling Perry followed.

**(This song is a parody of **_**Everybody Hurts**_** by Avril Lavigne.)**

* * *

_I know_

_Sometimes I try to ignore my feelings._

_Maybe_

_It's time I stopped._

_Because_

_I'm not the only one who gets upset._

_I can't_

_Think less of me._

* * *

_Now I see,_

_Now I see..._

* * *

_Everybody hurts some days..._

_It's okay to be afraid..._

_Everybody cries._

_Everybody screams._

_Everybody feels that way,_

_And it's okay._

_La da da da da._

_It's okay._

* * *

-Later-

The agents were gathered in the meeting room at the end of the day, relieved that the exercise was finally over.

Victor took his place on the table. "So, did anyone reveal any secrets?" No one reacted.

Except one. Peter nervously raised his hand. "I might have." In a flash, Perry had tackled him and pinned him against the floor, growling. "I-it wasn't yours!" Peter said hastily. "It was Derek's!"

"What?" Derek exclaimed. "You had my secret?"

"Actually Barry told me about your secret love of Ducky Momo."

Derek glared daggers at Barry, who - poor guy - was sitting next to him. Derek stood up. "Barry collects his friends' hair!"

"No, I don't!" Barry shouted, knowing very well it was true. "Wait, McKenzie had my secret."

McKenzie shrugged. "He's your friend, so I thought he should know."

This somehow started a chain reaction among the agents, as everyone started revealing each others secrets.

Among the chaos, Barry yelled, "Peter's been flirting with McKenzie, despite already dating Martha!"

Martha the Monkey pounced on Peter.

Victor honked his air horn, silencing everyone. He was grinning, much to the surprise of all of them. "Congratulations, everybody. You've all done an excellent job."

Silence, then Carl stuttered, "But-but-but..."

Monogram finished for him. "But, none of them kept their secrets."

"Exactly. Because, in business, there are no secrets. You all must be open with one another, and that's what makes a strong team." Victor paused. "I'm gonna go have some fruit." He walked off-screen, leaving everyone in a rather confused silence.

Monogram just looked at his intern, who said, "I told you he was weird, sir."

-Later-

Perry, Barry, and Derek, were on their way out, when Barry said, "You know, Perry, through this whole mess, we never found out _your_ secret."

Perry almost stopped in his tracks. They were some of his closest friends, but...

Derek didn't notice his discomfort. "Yeah, man, tell us. What's the great Perry the Platypus hiding from us?"

"Sometimes Heinz Doofenshmirtz and I have tea," Perry said casually. His friends stopped in their tracks. "It's not weird."

Well, they never said Perry had to tell them the secret he _wrote_.

"By the way, Barry," Perry continued, raising an eyebrow at the beaver, "do you _really_ collect your friends' hair?"

There was a pause, then Barry called to no one, "Coming," and walked briskly away.

**The End**

* * *

**So...um...yeah... Review!**


	8. My Intern's Keeper

**Summary: Perry is tasked with teaching a new intern all about the agency and is shocked by who it is. Carl attempts to win over a girl he likes.**

**Hm. This one's a little shorter. Oh, well. :)**

* * *

**My Intern's Keeper**

*Agent P's Lair*

"Greetings, Agent P," Monogram - on the monitor - said to the platypus. "Applebottom's not actually gonna do anything, today. Instead, we have a different assignment for you." Perry raised an eyebrow in interest. "You see, my nephew is going to be a new intern in the agency-"

Carl appeared next to the major. "He's popular!" the intern exclaimed in excitement. "I'll get to spend time with someone popular!"

"Carl, get out of my shot," Monogram ordered.

Dejected, Carl walked off-screen. "Okay."

Monogram's attention returned to the agent before him. "Anyway, we'd like you to show him around, tell him what he'll be doing, things like that."

Perry saluted. "Understood, sir."

"Excellent. He should be arriving in your lair soon. Monogram out."

The screen went black. Not long after, Perry heard someone enter his lair. He turned in his chair, and he couldn't believe who he saw. "Jeremy Johnson?"

Sure enough, Jeremy Johnson, wearing the same uniform that Carl did, was staring there. He smiled and raised an eyebrow, not quite believing what he was seeing. "Perry? Is that you?"

Perry got out of his seat. "Uh, y-yeah. You're the new intern?"

"And, apparently, you work for my uncle." There was an awkward pause. "So..."

Perry cleared his throat. "Well, I guess I can finally say what I've been dying to say to you."

"What's that?"

Perry turned serious. "Don't hurt Candace. I know where you live."

-Later-

*Googolplex Mall*

As Candace and Stacy sat in the food court, sharing an order of French fries, Candace picked one up and asked, "So, they seriously busted the wall?"

As Candace popped her fry in her mouth, Stacy answered, "Yes. Yes, they did. I was all, 'Perry, why are you wearing a hat?' Then, his nemesis fell on the couch, and I was all, 'And, who's this pharmacist?'" **(Happy Birthday, Isabella!)**

Not far from them, Carl peered out of the trash can he was hiding in and continued spying on the two girls. Specifically, Stacy Hirano. "This is it, Carl," he told himself in determination. "This is the day you ask Stacy out. I can feel it." He frowned. "Or, maybe that's just the rat running up my leg." He leaped out of the trash can and started screaming, ending up right next to Candace and Stacy. "AAAAAAHH!" An instrumental of _S.I.M.P. (Squirrels in My Pants)_ from the episode, 'Comet Kermillian' played as Carl moved his legs frantically, just like Candace had in the music video. "There's a rat in my pants!"

"I know how you feel, man," Candace sympathized.

Carl ignored her. "There's a rat in my pants!"

*O.W.C.A. Headquarters*

Perry led Jeremy into the AV room, which was filled with computers. "This is where we monitor security," Perry explained. "You'll probably end up in here a lot."

"Wow," Jeremy said, impressed. "How does all this stuff work?"

Perry shrugged. "Heck if I know. Our other intern, Carl usually deals with this kind of thing. He could probably show you."

"So, where is Carl?"

"As previously stated, heck if I know."

Jeremy nodded. "So, this other intern, what's he like?"

Perry smiled slightly. "He's a decent guy. Kind of like a brother to some of us agents, actually. I think you guys'll get along."

"Cool. So, what's next on our tour?"

"Right this way." Perry gestured him to follow.

*Googolplex Mall*

"AAAAAAAAHH!" Carl collapsed, and the rat ran out of his pants. He lay there for a moment, wallowing in self-pity. He had completely embarrassed himself in front of-

"Uh, are you okay?" Stacy. She loomed over him, looking to him like she was bathed in a vibrant gold light.

He grinned stupidly. "Uh-huh..."

"Here, let me help you." Stacy grabbed Carl's hand - she _grabbed his hand_! Carl couldn't believe it - and helped him stand up. "This food court needs less rats, eh, Carl?"

Carl was still in a dreamy daze. "Yeah..." Then, he snapped out of it. "Wait, you know my name?"

"You know this guy, Stace?" Candace, appearing next to her.

"He's always correcting the teacher in math class," Stacy said.

"So, he's a nerd?"

Carl frowned when Stacy replied with, "Pretty much." He then smiled when she said, "But, he's not so bad. Kind of the sweet dork type." Candace nodded in understanding.

_Well_, Carl thought, _here goes nothing_. "Um, Stacy, I-I was wondering if-"

Candace then asked, "Are you covered in garbage?"

Carl looked at his clothes. He had forgotten he was recently in a trash can.

*O.W.C.A. Headquarters*

Perry had taken Jeremy into the gymnasium, where several agents were working on machines, barbells, ex cetera.

"Here's where the agents sometimes come to work out," Perry explained. "Not me, though. I have membership at the gym downtown."

"Why not use this one?" Jeremy asked.

"Your uncle's too cheap to-" something exploded off-screen, "-buy quality equipment."

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah. That sounds like Uncle Francis."

McKenzie, charred, walked up to them. "The rowing machine's broken."

"We've noticed," Jeremy replied sheepishly.

McKenzie glanced up at him, then asked Perry, "Who's your friend?"

Perry introduced, "That's Jeremy. He's the new intern. And, he's dating Candace."

"Wow. That must be really awkward."

Perry and Jeremy spoke simultaneously. "Yes. Yes, it is."

*Googolplex Mall*

Candace and Stacy were now in one of the stores, trying on various outfits. Candace came out of one of the changing stalls, wearing a pink blouse, a red plaid skirt, black Mary Janes, and a headband with a messy red ribbon **(the signature outfit of Berserk from the Powerpunk Girls)**. Stacy came out wearing a light green dress with a black stripe in the middle, black Mary Janes and no bow **(the signature outfit of Buttercup from **_**The Powerpuff Girls**_**)**.

"Stace, you look so cute in that outfit," Candace commented.

"You look pretty good, yourself," Stacy said, "although, the headband's a little much."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

The two girls reentered the changing stalls as Carl - no longer covered in trash - exited another one as the music started.

**(This song is a parody of **_**Obsession**_** by Alana Grace.)**

* * *

-Carl-

_I try_

_To ask you on a date,_

_But I don't_

_Get the chance to._

_I find_

_Something about you so_

_Inviting._

_I get lost_

_In the way you are,_

_But I fear_

_You're rejection._

* * *

_I only want to say..._

_That I_

* * *

_Want you to_

_Be my girlfriend._

_You say I am_

_The sweet dork type._

_I hope that's_

_What you're wanting,_

_'Cause you know that_

_Is what I'm like._

_I like you._

_You're awesome._

_Stacy, you drive me crazy!_

_I want you to be..._

_My girlfriend._

* * *

The girls, now in their usual outfits, were looking at the make up display in a different store. Stacy paused in looking at eye shadow and asked Candace, who was looking at a pink lipstick, "Candace, do ever get the feeling someone's stalking you?"

Candace's eyes became half-lidded. "Have you _met_ Irving? It's probably him."

In actuality, it was Carl. He peered from behind the eye makeup display and retreated back behind it when Stacy looked toward him. Unfortunately, she looked behind the display to find him pressed back against it.

"Carl?" she clarified.

Carl slumped his shoulders in defeat. "I am so busted."

*O.W.C.A. Headquarters*

Perry led Jeremy into a room filled various file cabinets. "We keep...pretty much everything top-secret in here," Perry explained.

"So, uh," Jeremy hesitated, "are you allowed to show me this?"

Perry thought about it. "Um... Probably."

Monogram chose to appear at that moment. "Greetings, Agent P, Jeremy."

Perry saluted, and Jeremy said, "Hey, Uncle Francis. Agent P, here, was just showing me around."

"So, what do you think of the agency?" Monogram asked.

"Seems pretty cool," Jeremy answered. "I think I'm gonna have a lot of fun around here."

"Glad to hear it, Jeremy." Monogram smiled and shook his nephew's hand. "Welcome to the team."

Jeremy replied, "Thanks for having me."

*Googolplex Mall*

"Carl, what are you-" Stacy began.

Carl frantically interrupted her. "No! I'm not me! I'm somebody else!" **(Buford Confidential)**

Stacy ignored his outburst. "Carl, what's going on? Are you following us, or something?"

Carl sighed. "Okay, you caught me. I _was_ following you."

After an awkward pause, Stacy, unsure if she wanted to know, asked, "Why?"

"I-it's just...I-I kinda like you, a-and you're all...cool and stuff. I was trying to ask you out, but-"

"Okay."

Carl stopped. "O-okay what?"

Stacy shrugged. "Okay, I'll give you a chance."

"Y-you mean...you'll go out with me?"

"Well, I said I'd give you a chance." Stacy smiled slightly. "Just try not to blow it, alright?"

Carl fainted. Candace appeared and asked, "What'd I miss?"

**The End**

* * *

**Yay! Carl finally got a girlfriend! Review for...whatever the pairing of Carl and Stacy is called!  
**


	9. What Shall We Do, Today?

**Summary: Phineas and Ferb have trouble picking out an activity for the day. Perry has difficulty battling Janet's new security system. (Eddy from _Lab Rats_ guest stars.)**

**This episode contains references to the Disney XD comedy, _Lab Rats_. It was also inspired by the PnF episode, "Bully Bromance Breakup." You know, part when Phineas freaked out 'cause he couldn't invent anything. :P**

* * *

**What Shall We Do, Today?**

-Night-

*House*

A man in a stereotypical burglar outfit snuck through the living room of someone's house. He grabbed the DVD player-

The lights went on, suddenly. The burglar turned and saw a woman with black bed-head, a gray night tank top, and red pajama bottoms.

Janet gazed sleepily at him. "Wha-huh?"

The burglar stood up and waved his hands in a circle. "You're dreaming," he said mysteriously.

Janet yawned into her fist. "Okay." She turned out the lights and walked back upstairs.

The burglar sighed in relief. He unplugged the DVD player. The lights came on again. Janet was more alert, this time.

Before the burglar could comprehend what was happening, Janet was, literally, throwing him out of the building, yelling, "And, _stay_ out!" She slammed the door.

-Afternoon, The Next Day-

*Backyard*

Phineas, Ferb, and Perry lay under the tree, bored as ever. Phineas was trying to think of something to do. "Maybe, we could- No, we've already done that. What about- No, we've done that, too. Maybe- No, that's already been invented."

Perry looked at him in surprise. "Wow. This is the longest it's ever taken you boys to pick something to do."

Phineas looked back at him. "Do you have any ideas, Perry?"

"Well," Perry mused, "why don't you- No, you've done that. Maybe you- No, that failed miserably." He shrugged. "I got nothin'."

"What about you, Ferb?" Ferb shrugged, and Phineas gulped. "O-okay. I-I guess we could just sit here...and think of something..."

Perry raised an eyebrow. "You okay, kid?"

"Uh-huh. Totally fine."

Perry opened his mouth to speak, when his wrist-com beeped. Phineas and Ferb stood up and took a few steps away, so their pet's superior wouldn't see them.

Major Monogram appeared on the small screen. "Hello, Agent P. We've just received word that Applebottom has installed some new technology. She must be using it for evil."

Jeremy, carrying a large box, suddenly stopped behind the major. "Maybe, she just got a new computer, or something."

"Not now, Jeremy."

"I just don't see why everything the bad guys do is considered evil."

Monogram face-palmed. "Just get to work. That goes for both of you."

Perry saluted as the screen went blank. He strapped on his jet-pack. "And, I'm off-screen." He flew away.

As he watched the platypus go, Phineas said, "Hey, Ferb, why don't we make jet-pa- No, wait. We did that when we played volleyball, last summer." **(Sleepwalk Surprise)**

*Living Room*

Candace lay on the couch, reading a magazine, when her mother walked up to her and said, "Candace, I'm going to my cooking class."

Candace sat up, grinning. "Am I in charge, since Perry left?"

"No one needs to be in charge, Candace."

"But, what if space harpies descend from the sky and eat the house?" **(Bully Bust)**

Linda just looked at her. "If that happens, you're in charge." **(Rollercoaster; I Scream, You Scream)**

Candace pumped her fist and let out a happy "Yes!" as her mother walked away. She opened the sliding door and yelled to her brothers, "Mom says I'm in charge conditionally!" When no one responded, she walked suspiciously up to her brothers. The last thing she expected to see was Phineas hugging himself and shivering with Ferb's arm around him. The sight of this worried her greatly. "Phineas, are you okay?"

"I...I-I..." Phineas flailed his arms in panic, accidentally knocking Ferb over. "_I don't know_!" He curled up on the ground and started sucking his thumb.

Candace didn't know what to make of that. "Well, that happened."

Phineas and Ferb stood up, when Isabella appeared and said, "Hey, guys. Whatcha doin'?"

Phineas smiled hopefully. "That depends. Do you, by any chance, have a patch you need help earning?" There was a hint of desperation in his voice. He _needed_ something to do!

Isabella whipped out the Fireside Girl Manual from somewhere and started flipping through it. "Let's see... There is!"

Phineas jumped in excitement. "Awesome! What is it?"

Isabella answered, "The 'Sitting and Doing Nothing' Patch." Phineas fainted. "We're gonna need a blowtorch and a bag of cheese puffs. Phineas?"

_*Applebottom Evil is Now Secure*_

Perry jumped through the laboratory window, breaking it in the process. He took a surprised, involuntary step back, when a figure appeared on a screen that Perry swore wasn't on the wall, before. The figure was shaped like an 'E' with a rounded top. It had a simple face and a 'Y' that resembled a shirt. **(It's Eddy from **_**Lab Rats**_**.)**

"Uh-oh," the figure spoke in a nasally voice. "You broke the window. When Janet finds out, you will be _so_ busted. Like the window!"

Perry was unsure of how to respond. "Well...that happened. Hey, uh, wh-who, or what, are you? And, where's Janet?"

"Well," the figure began, "Janet's out buying either lady products or supplies for new evil inventions. I stopped listening after she said, 'Name yourself. I don't care.' As for who and what I am- Actually, I think I'll let the song tell you. Just give me a minute to load it." A loading bar appeared on his screen, and it quickly filled up.

**(This song is a parody of Perry's theme song. Sorry, Perry.)**

* * *

-Male Singer-

_Doo-be-doo-be-doo-ba,_

_Doo-be-doo-be-doo-ba,_

_Doo-be-doo-be-doo-ba,_

_Doo-be-doo-be-doo-ba._

-Female Singers-

_Eddy!_

* * *

-Eddy-

_I'm a very annoying security system of action._

-Male Singer-

_Doo-be-doo-be-doo-ba,_

_Doo-be-doo-be-doo-ba._

-Eddy-

_I was installed by a woman,_

_Who would never flinch from a fray-ay-ay._

* * *

_I have got gadgets galore._

_Things you cannot buy at a store._

_And, the platypus hates_

_Whenever I do this!_

-Perry-

Do what? *a robotic hand hits slaps him from behind*

* * *

-Eddy-

_I'm Eddy!_

_Eddy the smart home system!_

* * *

Perry glared at him and said defiantly, "That's _my_ theme song! All you did you was change the words!"

Eddy ignored him. "Bottom line, Janet installed me this morning, so I could protect her house. And, I intend to do so."

Perry raised an eyebrow, curious as to where this was going. "Do you, now?"

"You bet your mask I do!"

"I'm not wearing a mask."

"That's your face?" Eddy was loving this. "Ew! He's hideously deformed! Look away!" Perry jumped up and thumped the screen. "Ow! Not cool, man."

*Backyard*

"Hello, friends!" Baljeet greeted as he and Buford walked into the yard.

Phineas sprinted up to Baljeet, grabbed him by the shirt, and desperately begged, "_Please_, give me something to do! I'm b-b-b-b-_bored_! So, so, _bored_!" He started shaking Baljeet. "_I can't take being bored_!"

Buford yanked Phineas away. "Get it together, man!" He slapped Phineas several times before setting him down.

Calmed down, Phineas said, "Thanks. I needed that."

Buford nodded. "Yes. Yes, you did."

"What is the matter?" Baljeet asked.

Isabella answered, "Phineas and Ferb can't decide what they wanna do, today."

"Wow," Buford said. "That's really out of character."

"If I may make a suggestion," Baljeet began.

Phineas dropped to his knees, cupped his hands together and pleaded, "_Anything_."

Baljeet took a disturbed step back. "Perhaps you guys could build a device that makes decisions for you."

Phineas stared blankly at nothing for a moment. He and Ferb then rushed to gather a variety of materials, while Phineas sang to the tune of _The Lone Ranger_ overture, "Gotta build, gotta build, gotta build, build, build! Gotta build, gotta build, gotta build, build, build! Gotta build, gotta build, gotta build, build, build! Gotta build! Gotta build, build, build!" **(This part was inspired by Chapter Five of the zapdos's "Kick It Up A Notch!")**

"Um, you are welcome?" Baljeet said uncertainly, wondering what had just done.

*Janet's Laboratory*

"Who likes dodgeball?" Eddy asked. Before Perry could respond, dodgeballs hit him from all directions. Somehow Perry managed to stay standing. Eddy sang, "I know I do!"

Perry looked around. "Where did you get all these?"

"It's a fanfiction. I can have as many dodgeballs as the author allows." Another one was thrown at Perry. "Now, let's see. What else will I torture you with? I know!" Terrible music - the worst Perry's ever heard - started playing **(the music from the **_**Courage, the Cowardly Dog**_** episode, "King Ramses' Curse")**. Perry covered his ears with his hands, but failed to block out the noise. "Really bad music from a cartoon that was cancelled several years ago!"

"And, to think I _like_ that show!" Perry exclaimed, fed up with this stupid security system.

"Hey, check out what else I can do!" Eddy started firing lasers, while the music played. Perry dodged each one of them. "Dance, my pretty, dance!" **(**_**Wizard of Oz**_** reference)**

*Backyard*

Phineas and Ferb stood before their disturbed friends and sister, panting. Ferb held a metal helmet with two antennae sticking out of it.

"Anyone else freaked out, right now?" Buford asked. All but him, Phineas, and Ferb raised their hands.

Phineas swiped his hand against his brow. "Sorry, guys. We just _really_ needed something cool to do."

"If we hadn't been able to invent anything, today," Ferb said, "I was going to scream." **(Bully Bromance Breakup)**

A red ray from the sky hit the helmet, turning it to dust.

Candace commented, "Well, I guess everything's back to normal."

*Janet's Laboratory*

The laser's had stopped, but the horrible music was still playing. Perry couldn't take it anymore! He spotted a water bottle on a nearby table and grabbed it. He twisted the cap off and splashed the water on to Eddy. Eddy sparked, and the music finally stopped.

"What's happening?" Eddy exclaimed in dismay. "I'm pixelating! I'm pixelating!" **(Another **_**Wizard of Oz**_** reference)** He eventually vanished from the screen.

Perry pulled out his grappling hook and - for good measure - shot it into the screen, breaking what used to be Eddy. Perry tipped his hat to the audience with a satisfied smirk and ran off-screen.

After he left, Janet walked into the lab, saw what was left of her security system, and exclaimed, "Oh, my gosh! They killed Eddy! You monsters!" **(**_**South Park**_** reference)**

**The End**

* * *

**Have you ever noticed how tons of people read a story, but only, like, two review? You can change this by... Well, you know. ;)**


	10. That Seems Biological

**Summary: Perry is distraught when he discovers who Phineas's biological mother is, especially when Phineas wants to meet her.**

**Remember, in "Parental Guidance" - see "Calling Agent P" - we find out that Phineas was adopted.**

* * *

**That Seems Biological**

_*Applebottom Evi-*_

"Shut up!" Janet shouted at the jingle.

Perry rang the doorbell. Janet answered the door, groaned when she saw him, and slammed the door into Perry's bill. "Ow! Not cool, Janet." He started rubbing and stopped upon seeing Janet's sister appear behind him. "What's her problem?"

Bonnie sighed. "It's September ninth."

"So?"

"So, this the day Janet had to give her son up for adoption."

Perry let that sink in for a moment. "Janet's a mother?"

"Yeah, but... Let's just say that there was a little mishap with the father..."

Perry glanced back at the door, pity welling in his heart. "Poor Janet."

Bonnie nodded. "Yeah. He was a cute baby, too. He looked more like his father, but he did have Janet's hair. Well, not now. Her hair is naturally red, and she just dyes it black." Bonnie giggled at the memory. "And, he had a big, triangular head, too. Just like his grandfather, Perry Applebottom. Janet actually made his middle name Perry. I picked his first name: Phineas."

Red hair? Grandfather named Perry? Middle name Perry? Triangular head? First name _Phineas_? Perry pushed the thought aside. No. There was _no possible_ way.

Bonnie was perplexed by the sudden silence. "Agent P?"

Perry shook his head clear. "Uh, I-I have to go." He ran over to his scooter and drove down the street, praying that it was just a coincidence.

His nemesis could _not_ be Phineas' biological mother.

*Kitchen*

Perry came in through the back door to find Linda pulling a giant meatball out of the oven. Linda saw him and said, "Oh, there you are, Perry. You're home early."

Perry shrugged. "Turned out to be a false alarm. Also, is that a giant meatball?"

"Technically, it's a _spaghetti_ meatball. It's not so much a choice of _food_ as a choice of _shape_." **(Mom's in the House)**

"O-kay...?"

Phineas chose that moment to come in. "Hi, Mom, Perry."

"Hey, Phineas," Perry greeted with a tip of his hat. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Just needed to ask Mom something." Phineas turned to his adoptive mother. "Mom, I think I'd like to meet my mom. You know, my biological one."

Perry froze. His conversation with Bonnie played back to him. She had described Phineas perfectly... _Just a coincidence,_ Perry thought. _Bonnie could have been talking about any kid named Phineas. With a triangular head. And, red hair. And- Okay, let's get back to the story now._

Linda smiled warmly at her adoptive son, completely oblivious to Perry's discomfort. "Of course you can, Phineas. Fortunately, she lives right here in Danville. At least, now she does."

*?'s House*

Linda rang the doorbell, Phineas by her side. He had been putting this off, because he was worried about meeting his birth-mother, but now he felt ready to burst with excitement! Phineas leaned forward in anticipation, as the door opened, revealing a woman, who - to his surprise - didn't look anything like him.

Linda greeted, "Hello, Janet. It's been a while."

Janet flashed her a cocky smile and placed one hand on her hip. "Surprised you recognized me."

"You do look nice, though."

"Thanks." Janet glanced down at Phineas and did a double-take. She stared at Linda and pointed to Phineas.

Linda understood the silent question. She was used to Ferb, after all. "Yes, this is your son, Phineas. Phineas, this is your birth-mother."

Tears filled Janet's eyes, as her son gazed at her in wonder and excitement. Phineas was too excited to notice. "It's so cool to finally meet you! My name's Phineas! But, you probably already knew that."

Janet knelt down and hugged him. "I can't believe it's you."

"Believe it, 'cause it is," Phineas said returning the embrace.

"Well, I'll be back around three to pick him up," Linda informed. "You two have fun."

Phineas said as he and his birth-mother broke the embrace, "We will!" When Linda was gone, Phineas asked Janet, "Shall we go inside?"

"Hold on," Janet said, still smiling. "Just let me look at you." Phineas smiled wider, and it was contagious. Janet chuckled, "And, here I thought you'd grow into that head of yours."

Phineas laughed. "So, what do you want to do, today? I mean, there are so many possibilities."

Bowling for Soup appeared suddenly.

**(I've created my own verse for the theme song!)**

* * *

-Bowling for Soup-

_Like maybe!_

* * *

_Building a biosphere,_

_Or, finding a lake monster,_

_Or, capturing the floating baby head!_

_Traveling to an_

_Alternate dimension,_

_Or traveling through time, instead!_

_Eating giant popcorn_

_That no longer glows,_

_Or saving an alien race!_

-Meap-

Meap!

-Bowling for Soup-

_Making lemonade,_

_Escaping a tower,_

_Or, drinking a milkshake in space!_

* * *

_This could possibly be the best day ever!_

_(This could possibly be the best day ever!)_

_And, the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be a million and six times better!_

_So, make every minute count!_

_Jump up, jump in, and seize the day!_

_And, let's make sure that, in every single possible way,_

_Today is gonna be a great day!_

* * *

Little did they know, Perry was peering at them a nearby bush. He did not like what he saw and started panicking in a somewhat Candace-like fashion. "I-I don't believe it. Phineas and Janet? Janet and Phineas? The two of them? The two _of_ them? The two of _them_? The _two _of them? _The_ two of them? What am I gonna do? Do I tell Phineas? Do I tell Major Monogram? Do I just leave this alone? Gah! This is so frustrating!"

Meanwhile, Phineas and Janet sat themselves on the couch. Phineas said, "Okay, uh... What should I call you to distinguish you from Mom? I mean, my other mom? Should I call you, like, Mother, or something?"

Janet shrugged. "Eh. Mother's good, I guess."

"Okay. _Mother_, I wanna know everything about you! Where you grew up, if you have any siblings- Hey, where's my biological _father_?"

Janet bit her lip. "Uh, th-that's kind of a touchy subject..."

"Oh. I understand."

"Well, I guess I could tell you. See, I grew up a bad part of New York City. My family wasn't exactly 'rich,' so I took it upon myself to help us out a little."

"How'd you do that?"

"I stole things."

Phineas deflated a little. "Oh."

"Not like I had a choice. Anyway, I met your father when I was shop-lifting. Ironically, he was a police officer. Eventually, we got together. A few years later, a certain pointy-head little squirt was born." Phineas laughed at this. Janet sighed, lost in the memory. "Actually, a few months after you were born, your father was killed in the line of duty. Things sort of went downhill, and I was kind of forced to give you up."

After a moment, Phineas put a hand over his birth-mother's. "Well, I'm here now. I'm really sorry to hear about my father, but I'm glad I still have one of my birth-parents."

Janet smiled at him. "What about you? Enjoying your new folks?"

Phineas' eyes lit up. "You bet! Mom's awesome, Dad's awesome. My sister, Candace, is awesome! My brother, Ferb, doesn't talk much, but he's still the best brother I could ask for. And, then, there's my pet, Perry. He's the best platypus, ever."

Janet frowned. Her nemesis was a platypus named Perry... "Uh, d-does Perry do anything, you know, unusual, or..."

Phineas was prepared to keep Perry's secret. "Nah. Like most platypuses, he doesn't do much."

Janet nodded, relieved that her son's pet wasn't her nemesis. She stood up, walked over and took a picture frame off the wall, and returned to her position on the couch. "This is me and your father on our wedding night."

Phineas looked at it and smiled wider. The photograph showed Janet, but she had red hair that went off the picture, and a man with a large, pointed nose, blue eyes, and neat brown hair. Both of them were smiling into the camera. "So, this is my dad. He does look like me, except without red hair or a triangular head. You know, you looked really different, when this picture was taken."

"I know, right? My hair used to be down to my hips."

-Later-

*Living Room*

Perry sat on the couch, twiddling his thumbs, as he waited anxiously for Phineas to arrive home. When he did return, he was all smiles, which squeezed Perry's heart. Did Phineas _really_ have to know the truth?

"Hi, Perry," Phineas greeted. "Wait until you hear how cool my biological mom is!"

Well, it was now or never. "Uh, yeah, about her-"

Phineas cut him off. "She's an inventor! Just like me and Ferb! I always knew I got my creativity from someone! She also seems really nice. She's even got your sarcasm, Perry. I've only known for one day, but I can tell that I came from a great woman. One, who I can picture dedicating herself to doing good." He paused. "I'm sorry. You wanted to say something, Perry?"

He couldn't do it. Perry couldn't tell him the truth about Janet. "Uh, n-no."

"Okay."

**The End**

* * *

**So, we get a little peek into Janet's past. Review!**


	11. Meap Me in St Louis (Part One)

**Summary: Mitch falls in love with Janet and hypnotizes her into marrying him. He also makes Heinz, Brooke, and Suzy his new henchmen. Meap, Perry, Jeremy, Phineas, and Ferb must ban together to rescue everyone from Mitch's control.**

**I'm surprised no one else has made a "Meap Me in St. Louis." Well, here goes nothing, I suppose.**

* * *

**Meap Me in St. Louis (Part One)**

_A long time ago in a studio in Burbank, California, a ragtag group of animators made a fake trailer for a third Meap special they never intended to make. However, a young fanfiction author decided that she wanted to write that episode and incorporate all these seemingly unrelated scenes:_

(Spaceships hit each other.)

Baljeet: Pay attention, up there!

Candace: _Jerry_ the Platypus?

Phineas: Ferb, aren't those extinct?

(Meap walks away from his ship as it explodes.)

Jeremy: As a matter of fact, _I_ object to this union.

Heinz (singing): Yes, I'm just a guy, who's a sucker for the sounds of mass transit.

(Meap and Suzy fight each other in the Banga-Ru convention.)

Meap (standing on the Gateway Arch): Meap!

Heinz: Hey, wasn't that Suzy stuff suppose to be in this one?

_Jet Engine now presents: Meap Me in St. Louis._

* * *

*Living Room*

As Candace lay upside-down on the recliner, reading a magazine, she noticed how quiet her brothers were being. "Hm. Maybe it's the blood rushing to my head, but something feels...off..." She re-erected herself and stood up, swayed, and grabbed the chair for support. "Maybe it _was_ the blood rushing to my head."

After the dizziness faded, she went outside to check on her brothers. Confetti fell from out of nowhere, making her jump in surprise. A party hat fell on her head. Weirder still, a fat and rather moronic-looking platypus in a fedora was waving at her. Just another day in the backyard, she supposed.

Phineas appeared from behind a brightly colored-cannon with black wheels. "Happy Random Celebration, Candace!"

"Happy, what now?" Candace asked, still trying to process what was happening. "What are you guys doing?" She pointed to the strange looking platypus. She sang in the style of _What the Heck is That?_ from the _Penguins of Madagascar_ episode, 'Blowhole Strikes Back,' "And, what the heck is that?"

"That's Jerry the Platypus."

"_Jerry_ the Platypus?"

"Yeah. Perry mentioned that Dr. D made androids of him, once. **(Cheer Up Candace)** Since we're using our new celebration cannon to celebrate all things random, we thought we'd bring back the android that Perry called his 'favorite out of those freaks of nature.'" Phineas glanced at Jerry, who was gnawing on the tree trunk, frowned, and said, "Although, we probably should have taken into account that the androids were evil... Where is Perry, anyway?"

Ferb answered, while simultaneously trying to pry Jerry off the tree, with absolutely no success. "I just saw him jump rope a few times in the garage, and then a hole appeared in the floor, and Perry fell through it."

"Oh, that makes sense," Phineas commented.

*Agent P's Lair*

Major Monogram appeared on the monitor, but he was in black and white. "Greetings, A-gent...P... Carl, why am I in black and white?"

"Sorry, sir," Carl answered from off-screen. "The camera's been on the fritz, lately."

The color was came back, but Major Monogram pointed out, "Well, the color's back, but now I'm upside-down."

"Like I said, sir, the camera's on the fritz-"

"Oh, well. Agent P, maybe you could, uh..." Perry turned upside-down in his seat. "There we go. What was I gonna say? Oh, right." Monogram cleared his throat. "We've received reports that Applebottom is meeting someone in St. Louis. More suspicious still, lately she's been receiving letters from an anonymous person. Even more suspicious than _that_, when I say letters, I mean someone's written them by hand, and they had a stamp and everything **(The Curse of Candace)**. Seriously, what is this? 2007? We fear that she may be teaming up with another evil scientist. Get to the bottom of it, Agent P." Perry saluted and re-errected himself. He stood up, swayed, and grabbed the chair for support. "Um, after the dizziness wears off, of course."

*Streets*

Phineas and Ferb wandered Danville, looking for random things to celebrate. Ferb was pulling the celebration cannon with by a white string.

"Huh," Phineas said. "There doesn't seem to be anything all that random to celebrate, right now." Ferb pointed at something in the sky. Phineas looked up and sang, like Candace did, "What the heck is that?"

Two space ships were flying through the air. One was dark magenta with a green-tinted roof, and the other was a lighter magenta with an orange-tinted roof.

"It's kind of weird," Ferb said, "but they remind me a bit of trilobites."

Phineas turned to Ferb. "Ferb, aren't those extinct?" Ferb nodded. "Do you think those spaceship-looking things will come into play later in the episode?" Ferb nodded again. Phineas smiled. "Do you think it's random enough to celebrate?" Ferb offered a thumbs up. "Awesome! Fire the cannon!"

Meanwhile, Buford was driving a speed boat, and Baljeet was water-skiing behind him. "Are you sure Phineas does not mind you borrowing his speed boat?" Baljeet called over the roar of the engine.

Buford, however, was not ready for the question. "Uh, yeah! Borrow! That's what I did..."

The dark spaceship slammed against the light one. A metal part of the light one fell off from the impact. The piece splashed into the water, barely missing Buford, who swerved the boat in a fit of shock.

Baljeet nearly fell off the water skiis. "Buford, pay attention, up there!"

Buford glared behind him. "Well, _excuse me _for not planning on it raining metal!"

_*Applebottom in St. Louis*_** (said like 'loo-ee')**

Janet stood by the Gateway Arch, holding a stack of papers. She read one of them and sighed in contentment. "I can't believe I'm about to meet the guy, who sent me these love letters." She hugged the papers. "He must be quite the romantic." She frowned suddenly. "But, why would he want to meet me in St. Louis. Is he trying to reference the title, or something?" She looked up and started singing, "What the heck-" then stopped. "You know what? I'm getting sick of that tune. What's up there?"

The two spaceships continued slamming into each other. The dark one slammed into the light one again. The light fell out of the sky. Meap parachuted out of it and landed on the Gateway Arch, accidentally dropping his parachute.

"Meap!" Meap exclaimed.

He pulled out a remote from somewhere and pressed a button. His usual ship - the one Phineas and Ferb tricked out - flew to him. He got in and flew away, leaving Janet gaping in utter shock.

Meanwhile, on a bus in St. Louis, Heinz was sitting next to his wife, Brooke, wishing this trip would end.

He voiced his thoughts. "Ugh! Is this trip _ever_ going to end?"

"What's the matter?" Brooke asked. "I thought you wanted to come with me to my brother's birthday party."

"I did. But, I forgot one teeny tiny detail; _Y__our brother doesn't like me_. To make matters worse, there are no spontaneous musical numbers around here! Watch this." He stood up, smiled, and sang, "Yes, I'm just a guy, who's a sucker for the sounds of mass transit." Everyone else - including Brooke - gave him strange looks. Heinz sat down and pointed out, "See the looks everyone's giving me? Why are they looking at me, like that? Because, no one ever sings in this place."

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Heinz, you've got to accept that there aren't spontaneous musical numbers everywhere in the world. Just Danville. And, Tokyo **(Summer Belongs to You)**. And, to a lesser extent, Drusselstein. Look on the bright side, we don't have my Aunt Suzy and her balloon animals on this bus."

Heinz stood up and looked around. "Hey, wasn't that Suzy stuff supposed to be in this one?"

"Thankfully, no. No, it wasn't."

Heinz sat back down and happened to look out the window. His eyes widened. "Look! It's that alien's ship! You know, the cute alien I told you about!"

Brooke looked out the window. "One, I don't see anything. And, two, you know I don't believe in aliens."

When they got off at the bus stop, Heinz said to no one in particular, "If that cute guy's here, then that Balloony-stealing _jerk_ can't be too far behind."

"Are you talking to me or yourself?" Brooke asked.

Heinz wasn't listening. "_Mitch_. Oh, I hate that guy. Hate him!"

The dark ship landed in an alley. Mitch, without his robotic suit, came out of it, pulling his suit out. He put on his usual translation mustache and muttered, "Curse these tiny ships. I had to take my robotic suit apart in order for it to fit in there!" He smirked. "At least I managed to sabotage Meap's ship, before taking off."

*Meap's Ship*

"_Self-destruct sequence initiating in T-minus twenty seconds._"

Meap started at this. Mitch must have tampered with the ship! Fortunately, Meap was right where he wanted to be. He landed his ship in the Flynn-Fletcher's backyard and walked solemnly away from his ship as it exploded.

**To Be Continued...**

* * *

**I gotta say, this is turning out to be more complex than I'd intended it to be. Review to see more!**


	12. Meap Me in St Louis (Part Two)

**Summary: Mitch falls in love with Janet and hypnotizes her into marrying him. He also makes Perry, Heinz, Brooke, and Suzy his new henchmen. Meap, Jeremy, Phineas, and Ferb must ban together to rescue everyone from Mitch's control.**

* * *

**Meap Me in St. Louis (Part Two)**

*Danville, Streets*

Phineas was getting frustrated. "Ugh! Random stuff is happening _way_ less than usual! What are we gonna celebrate?"

"Meap!" Meap suddenly ran up to them.

Phineas smiled. "Meap! It's been too long! Hey, Ferb, why don't we celebrate Meap?" Meap shook his head, and Phineas frowned. "No? Why not?"

Meap put on a black goatee that made him sound like Skipper from _The Penguins of Madagascar_. "Because, I'm afraid that now is no time to celebrate. Mitch has returned to Earth."

The boys started at this. "He has?" Phineas asked. "What's he doing here, this time?"

"I have intel that he has been sending messages to an earthling and is meeting with her today." Meap whipped out a photograph of Janet. "This is her."

Phineas gasped. "That's my birth-mother! Ferb, he's meeting with my birth-mother!"

"Sweet sassafras!" Meap exclaimed. "That makes things even worse! Well, for you at least."

"So, where are they meeting?"

"Out in St. Louis. We'd be there in no time, if Mitch hadn't hacked into my ship, causing it to self-destruct."

Phineas looked at his brother. "Ferb, I know what know what we're gonna do, today. We're gonna make Meap a new ship, then we're gonna save my mother. I've already asked where Perry is, right?" Ferb nodded. "Thought so."

*St. Louis*

Perry was hiding in a tree, spying on Janet. He couldn't believe the man that approached her. "Mitch? What's he doing here?"

Janet was still gaping at the Gateway Arch, when she heard someone clear his throat. She turned around, finding something new to gape at.

"Ah, Janet, my dear," Mitch - now in his robotic suit - greeted. "It's so nice to finally meet you in person." He glanced at the papers in her hands. "I see you got my letters. I am Mitch. Big Mitch, to my friends."

"Mitch writes love letters?" Perry wondered. He raised an eyebrow at the audience. "I guess this what they mean by, complex individual."

Janet looked Mitch over, not sure what to make of him. "You... _You_ sent me... Don't take this the wrong way, Mitch, but you're not exactly what I was expecting..."

Mitch chuckled at this. "I should think not. I come from a planet in a distant galaxy-"

"Like an alien?"

"Well, that term's a bit derogatory, but yes. An alien."

Janet took a step back, suddenly wishing she hadn't come. "S-sorry, but I-I kind of expected you to be this different guy. A-an earthling, who's been fawning over me. Who I like back. Eh heh heh heh. So, I think I'll just head home and uh..."

Mitch's eyes narrowed. "Fine. I didn't want to do this." He held his hand up to her, and it started glowing light blue. A dazed look appeared on Janet's face, and her eyes glowed the same color. "I knew this hypotizer would come in handy."

Mitch lowered his hand, and Janet gazed at him affectionately, eyes returning to their usual brown, but her irises remaining blue. "An alien, huh? Guess I'll try anything once. By the way," she jerked her thumb to the tree behind her, "my nemesis is staring at us." Perry ducked further into the branches, and Janet turned around, crossing her arms. "Don't think I can't see you, Agent P. That green fur only blends in so much."

No longer needing to hide, Perry jumped out of the tree and landing in a fight-stance, like the ones on _Lab Rats_.

"That's Agent Perry the Platypus," Janet continued. "He's my arch nemesis. Pretty good in a fight," she glanced mischievously at Mitch, "if you're thinking what I'm thinking."

Mitch grinned, catching on. "Oh, I know exactly what you're thinking." He raised his hand.

*In Meap's New Ship*

The new ship that Phineas and Ferb made for Meap looked like a giant star with a glass dome on top **(think of Kirby's ship from **_**Kirby Right Back at Ya**_**, only bigger)**. As he flew it, Meap said to the boys in the back, "I gotta say, boys, this ship is done-right astounding."

"Glad to help," Phineas said. "And, that translation goatee is really working for you, Meap."

"Yes. Yes, it is. What in the name of rice pudding?" Meap looked down and landed beside the dark magenta ship. He and the boys jumped out of the star-shaped ship. "This is the ship that Mitch stole! He must be around here."

"That's not good." Phineas looked at something off-screen and waved. "Perry! Thank goodness. Over here."

Perry walked casually toward them. His irises were light blue. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Perry," Phineas gestured to Meap, "this is Meap. He's our alien friend."

Meap frowned at this. "Well, 'alien' is a bit derogatory-"

Phineas looked at him. "Meap," he gestured to Perry, "this is Perry. He's an agent, like you are. Except, his work is limited to Earth."

"We've met," Perry said.

Realization lit up Meap's features. "Oh, yeah. I remember seeing you and that pharmacist on Mitch's ship."

Perry nodded at this. Suddenly, he tackled Meap to the ground. Phineas and Ferb rushed to pull him off, with no success.

"No, Perry!" Phineas exclaimed. "Meap's on our side!"

Perry back-flipped away from them. An uncharacteristically cocky smile appeared on his face. "_Our_ side, you say?"

Meap gasped and quickly got to his feet. "Look at his eyes! Mitch must have hypnotized him!"

Phineas glanced at Meap. "Mitch can do that?"

"With recent technology-"

"Enough talk," Perry sneered. "Let's dance. I'll lead."

"He _must_ be hypnotized, if he's attacking _us_," Ferb commented.

"Meap, you find Mitch," Phineas instructed. "Ferb and I will keep Perry," Perry pounced on Ferb, "occupied."

*Street*

"So, you see, Brooke," Heinz said, "that's why I hate Mitch."

Brooke just stared at him. "I...have no idea how to respond to that."

Heinz glanced off-screen and scowled. "Hey, you!" He ran up to a surprised Mitch. "Remember me? I'm Balloony's _real_ best friend!"

"Balloony? Who's- Do you mean Collin?" Mitch asked.

"His name is _Balloony_ you best-friend-stealer!"

Mitch smirked. "Oh, yes, _now_ remember you. You're that pharmacist, who-"

"I'm not a pharmacist! I'm a scientist!"

"A scientist? You may come in handy." He grabbed a now-frightened Heinz by the shirt. "You see, when I was arrested those officers disabled my army. I could really use a new one."

Brooke suddenly knocked Mitch off his feet with a swift kick. She turned to her husband. "You okay?"

As he stared at her in shock, he said, "I think I just fell in love with you all over again. Seriously, y-you totally just toppled him over, like-like a bowling pin that got toppled over, and then the machine-thing has to set the pins upright and return your bowling ball to you-"

Brooke cut off his rant. "As you know, I grew up with two older brothers. It was either learn how to fight or get held down and burped on."

Mitch heard this, grinned evilly, and held up his hand. The hypnotizer activated, and Heinz and Brooke's eye glowed light blue. "Looks like I'll be getting my new army, afterall." He stood up. "I wonder how Janet's doing with finding more members of my little group."

* * *

_He's Mitch!_

_But, some people call him Big Mitch._

* * *

**To Be Continued...**

* * *

***gasp* There's no song, yet! Don't worry. There'll be one in the last part, which I think will be the next part. Until then, well, you know. ;)**


	13. Meap Me in St Louis (Part Three)

**Summary: Mitch falls in love with Janet and hypnotizes her into marrying him. He also makes Perry, Heinz, Brooke, and Suzy his new henchmen. Meap, Jeremy, Phineas, and Ferb must ban together to rescue everyone from Mitch's control.**

**There are two songs! I hope that makes up for the lack-of songs in the first two parts. :)**

* * *

**Meap Me in St. Louis (Part Three)**

*Banga-Ru Convention*

Meanwhile, a Banga-Ru convention was being held downtown. Janet happened to notice a certain little blond girl heading to it with her brother. She had followed them in and was currently spying on them from nearby.

"Having fun, sis?" Jeremy, who was wearing a tuxedo, asked as he held his sister's hand.

"I sure am!" Susie answered happily. "Banga-Ru's are so cute!"

"You mean, like you?"

Susie giggled. "Bubble!" She frowned suddenly. "I'm getting hungry."

"Wait here," Jeremy instructed. "I'll get us some food."

"Okay, Jeremy!"

When Jeremy was gone, Janet saw this as her chance. She pulled out what appeared to be a flashlight and shined it on Susie, who's eyes started glowing light blue.

Jeremy came back with two corn dogs but dropped them in shock, when he saw what was happening. "Susie?"

Meap burst in and knocked the portable hypnotizer out of Janet's hands, but Janet merely smirked. "You're too late, Shorty." Susie's irises were light blue. "Susie, attack the pink guy."

Susie obeyed, and the people around them panicked as the battle went on.

**(This song is a parody of **_**Brick By Boring Brick**_** by Paramore. I wasn't planning to add it, but as I was imagining the fight, the song started playing in my head. So...here's a parody of it, which Paramore will be singing.)**

* * *

_Big Mitch has returned, and he has_

_Brought with him a new evil plan._

_He's building up a new army_

_Of Earthlings that live in this land._

_Janet, Perry, Heinz, Brooke, Susie._

_Meap came in and found one of them._

_He's blasting at her with cute death rays._

* * *

_They will have at it..._

_Oh, curse you, Mitch..._

* * *

_We've got to stop him!_

_Yeah, we must break the spell,_

_And rescue everyone._

_Rescue everyone!_

_We've got to stop him!_

_Yeah, we must break the spell,_

_And rescue everyone._

_Rescue everyone!_

_Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-da!_

* * *

"That's enough," Janet called, glancing up from her cellphone. Susie and Meap stopped fighting and looked at her expectantly. By now, everyone but an utterly confused Jeremy was gone. "I just got a text from a Brooke Doof...en...shmirtz? Yeah, I-I think that's right. Brooke Doofenshmirtz. Apparently, she's one of Big Mitch's new lackies, because she says that Big Mitch wants to see me by the abandoned church. Wait, how did this Brooke-chick get my number?" Janet shrugged. "Oh well. Susie, you'd better come, too."

"Okay," Susie said.

She kicked Meap in a bad place, and he collapsed into a tight ball on the floor. Susie followed Janet out. Meap fired a death ray at Janet, but held up a black pocket brush/mirror. The ray bounced off the mirror and hit Meap into unconsciousness.

Phineas and Ferb stormed in a moment later. Phineas gasped at what he saw. "Meap!" The boys ran to his side. "Meap, speak to me!"

Jeremy blinked out of his trance. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What just happened?"

"Jeremy?" Phineas clarified. "What are you doing here?"

"Mom had business out here, hence the tux, so I brought Susie to the Banga-Ru convention. But, some supermodel came in, and Susie started attacking," he pointed at Meap, "this guy. There was even a musical number. Which is weird, considering that we're not in Danville, Tokyo, or Drusselstein."

Ferb helped Meap to his feet, as Phineas asked, "Do you have any idea where they went?"

"I think the supermodel mentioned something about an abandoned church."

Phineas turned to Meap. "You okay, Meap?"

"I think so," Meap answered wearily.

Phineas turned back to Jeremy. "Jeremy, come with us. We'll fill you in on the way to the church."

*Abandoned Church*

Mitch was scolding Perry. "How could you let them get away?"

Perry was unaffected by Mitch's tone and currently had his arms crossed in nonchalance. "Ferb hit me in a bad place."

Mitch and Heinz cringed. However, Brooke commented, "What does that mean?" Heinz whispered the answer in her ear, and she cringed.

Janet appeared with Susie at her side. "Hey, Big Mitch," Janet greeted. "Brought you a new recruit."

Mitch inspected Susie, who waved. Mitch asked, "Isn't she a little young to be in an evil army?"

Janet nodded. "Yes. Yes, she is. But, trust me. She is pure evil."

"I'll be an excellent addition to your team," Susie replied mischievously.

"I've met her," Brooke said, unnerved. "She terrifies me."

"Me too," Heinz agreed.

Mitch just stared at them for a moment, then looked away and declared, "Once I rebuild my army, I will rule this planet," he put his arm around Janet, "with you as my queen."

Janet gazed lovingly at him. "I don't think anyone will object to _this_ union."

Jeremy opened the doors and walked in, saying, "As a matter of fact, _I_ object to this union." Phineas, Ferb, and Meap entered as well, and Jeremy gestured to them. "And, so do they."

Mitch pointed at them and barked, "Get them!"

A fight began, as did another song.

**(This next scene is kind of a **_**Big Time Rush**_** reference, specifically, the BTR episode, "Big Time Wedding." Basically, it was some characters trying to keep James from marrying a foreign princess. Don't ask. So... On a somewhat related note, this song's a parody of **_**Smile**_** by Avril Lavigne.)**

* * *

-Phineas-

_We know Mitch is an evil guy._

-Other Non-Hypnotized People-

_He lies, and he cheats, and we don't know why._

-Phineas-

_But, he's never, ever gonna win._

-Other Non-Hypnotized People-

_Oh, oh._

-Jeremy-

_Yeah, we are never gonna quit._

-Other Non-Hypnotized People-

_So, go with it, go with it, go with it._

-Jeremy-

_We'll beat you so hard that your head is gonna spin._

* * *

-Phineas-

_Mitch came to Earth_

_In a ship._

_He hypnotized our_

_Friends to do his thing._

-Jeremy-

_Yeah, he's on Earth._

_Because of that_

_We'll defeat him,_

_Maybe trap him, like a rat._

* * *

-Phineas and Jeremy-

_And, that's why...we fight._

_We'll do it right,_

_Eventually, we'll save the day._

_We will be fine...when we_

_Thwart this villain, you'll see._

_I don't think we can disagree_

_'Bout the reason why-y-y-y_

_We fi-i-i-ight..._

* * *

"_Time out_!" Heinz shouted suddenly. Everyone stopped and looked at him expectantly. "First of all, I just want to thank you guys for _finally_ singing. Seriously, why don't people sing in St. Louis? Second, does anyone else notice that _we're not getting anywhere, here_? And, third, where's Ferb?"

They looked around. Ferb was nowhere in sight. Susie blinked suddenly, her eyes returning to their normal color. She looked around in confusion. "W-what? Where am I?"

"Susie!" Jeremy hugged her. "You're not hypnotized, anymore!"

Susie didn't know what to make of that. "Um...bubble?"

"_What_?" Mitch exclaimed, outraged. "How did she-"

Ferb whistled from off-screen. He held up Janet's portable hypnotizer, which he had broken in half. Janet put her hands on her hips in annoyance. "Did you swipe that during the song?" Ferb nodded.

Jeremy pointed at it, letting go of his sister. "That's the thing that hypnotized Susie!"

"I guess destroying the thing that _caused_ the hypnosis snaps you out of it," Phineas guessed.

Mitch had his arms crossed. "Oh, please." He raised one hand in defiance. "There's no way it's that simple." Meap fired a rainbow death ray at the raised hand - the hand that had the hypnotizer in it. "Oh, heck."

Now, Janet, Perry, Heinz, and Brooke's eyes returned to normal, and they looked around in confusion.

"What's going on?" Janet asked no one in particular. "Where are we?"

Perry added, "And, why do I feel like I got kicked in a bad place?" Ferb shrugged and smiled apologetically.

-Later-

*Outside the Abandoned Church*

Mitch's robotic suit had been dismantled and was now in a nearby dumpster. A ship was now flying him back to his planet.

"Big Mitch is going to get an even longer time-out, this time around," Meap stated, standing in front of his star-shaped ship. "We might put him in there as long as thirty minutes." He gazed at Phineas and Ferb with pride. "Boys, thank you for, once again, assisting me in thwarting Mitch's plan."

"No problem, Meap," Phineas said. "We were happy to help."

"Well, I'm afraid I must be going. I'm going to have to testify in Mitch's trial, before we can put him in time-out." Meap climbed into his ship. "Farewell, friends. And, thanks again for the new ship."

Phineas and Ferb waved. Phineas called, "Bye, Meap." Meap took off.

"Could someone please explain what happened?" Brooke asked.

"Yeah, I'm confused, too," Heinz said. "I-I mean, I get that Phineas and Ferb defeated Big Mitch - _hate_ _him_! - but, why don't we remember what happened? I-it's like one of those sit-coms **(A Real Boy)**, where someone loses his memory, and the one guy's girlfriend breaks up with him in a text, and then the mother becomes attached to someone else's dog, but she doesn't know that it's someone else's- Hey, where did everybody go? You all left, huh? You got bored with me, and you left. Yep. Even my own wife. She, along with the rest of you, left me, like some discarded lawn gnome. Like-like, a pair of shoes that don't fit anymore, so you give them to your younger sibling. I am, literally, just babbling, now."

* * *

_And, now, a trailer for a Meap sequel Jet Engine has no plans to make:_

(Vanessa screams, as she falls out of a helicopter.)

Heinz (panicked): Vanessa!

Monogram: You're fired!

(Perry gasps.)

Isabella: You'll never take my cute-ness!

Mitch: No one can save you.

Ferb (singing): Yes, I'm just a guy, who's a sucker for the sounds of mass transit.

Candace: We've got busting to do.

_The Chronicles of Meap, episode forty-three:_

(Meap is standing next to a destroyed star-shaped ship.)

Meap: Meap!

_Meaping with the Enemy._

**The End**

* * *

**And, there's my Meap sequel! How come I'm the first person to do this? Is it because I have more free-time than the average sixteen-year-old girl? Is that it?**

**Meap: Meap!**

**I think that means, "Review." Or, "Take out the trash." I don't speak Meap.**


	14. Mom Bust

**Summary: Candace discovers that Janet is evil and contemplates telling Phineas. Janet tries to steal all the money in the Tri-State Area.**

* * *

**Mom Bust**

*Street*

As she and Phineas walked to Janet's house, Candace sang, like she did in 'Phineas and Ferb: Christmas Vacation,' "Walkin' my brother, to his birth-mom's hou-ouse, so he can visit her. Singin' what I'm doin'-"

Phineas cut her off. "Why are you singing what you're doing?"

Candace shrugged, no longer singing. "I have no idea."

Phineas laughed. "You know something? You've been a lot more relaxed, since that whole boarding school incident **(see 'The Best Adventure Ever' in my fic, "Calling Agent P")**."

"Yeah. I guess since Mom knows about you and Ferb and your inventions, I've been able to just cool it. No more busting for me."

Phineas pointed at something off-screen. "Hey, there's Django! I'm gonna go say hi."

As he ran off, Candace called, "I'll be here." An explosion caught her off-guard. "What was that?'

A chihuahua in a fedora - that looked kind of like Isabella's dog - flew out of Janet's front door on a jetpack. Janet ran outside and called after it, "That's right. Fly away. But, know this: tomorrow, I'll have an even better plan! I'll take over this city, then the Tri-State Area, then the world! Okay, maybe the world's a little extreme, but I'm evil, so I'm bound to conquer something!"

Candace, mouth now agape, had heard her. No. It wasn't possible. Her little brother's birth-mother could _not_ be evil... Could she?

"Okay, Candace." She started at her brother's voice. "Let's go see- There she is! Later, Candace!"

Phineas ran up to his birth-mother and wrapped his arms around her. Janet, laughing returned the embrace. "Hey, squirt."

Candace was still standing in that same spot, processing what had happened. Her eye began to twitch. "M-Miss Applebottom's e-evil? My brother's... Sh-sh-she... Old...busting...urge...returning..." She slapped herself in the face. "No! Candace Gertrude Flynn, you are a changed citizen. You are calm Candace. _Calm_ Candace. You don't bust!" She turned right around and forced herself to walk home.

**(This song is a parody of **_**Unwanted**_** by Avril Lavigne, which is currently stuck in my head.)**

* * *

-Candace-

_All..._

_I used to do was try to bust my brothers._

_That's how I was..._

_But, everything that they'd build would just disappear._

* * *

_Oh, yeah, yeah._

* * *

_I wanted Mom to see it._

_'Cause she wouldn't believe it._

* * *

_Couldn't do it._

_Wouldn't happen._

_I could never seem to_

_Bust them..._

_Then, it happened._

_They were busted._

_I no longer bust..._

_There is just no point..._

* * *

*Bedroom*

Perry was sound asleep on Phineas' bed when Candace barged in and shouted, "_Perry, help_!"

Startled awake, Perry exclaimed, "Roll-on deoterent!" He blinked at the panicking girl before him, stood up, put his fedora on, and asked in all seriousness, "What's going on, Candace?"

Candace took a deep, calming breath. "Sorry. Um, can I talk to you?"

Perry smiled, relaxing a little. "Of course, Candace. You can tell me anything."

Candace smiled back briefly and sat down beside him. "Well, you know how I stopped trying to bust Phineas and Ferb?"

Perry rolled his eyes knowingly. "You found someone new to bust, didn't you?"

"Well, yes. Yes, I did. A-and, this is someone Phineas likes a lot, and I don't want him to get hurt from this, but I over-heard this person saying that she'd do something tomorrow..."

Perry nodded in understanding. "I guess the best thing you can do is try to resist the temptation."

"_Resist the temptation_? Is that even possible?"

Perry's eyes became half-lidded. "Candace."

"Okay, you're right. I can do this." Candace stood up and raised her fist in determination. "I will not bust!"

"Atta girl!"

-The Next Day-

*Candace's Bedroom*

Perry entered to find Candace in a feetle position on her bed. "Um..." Perry had no idea how to react, despite knowing what this was about. "Do you mind if I use the lair entrance under your bed?"

"_I will not bust_!" Candace shouted, not paying any attention to the platypus.

An unnerved Perry said, "Well, that happened," then crawled under Candace's bed. After sliding down a tube, Perry landed on the floor. His chair was missing. "And, so did that." He stood up.

Major Monogram appeared on the monitor. "Hello, Agent P. Sorry about the distinct lack of chairs. Long story short, Jeremy is still kind of figuring this agency out... Anyway, I hope you enjoyed your day-off, yesterday, but evil never rests. Applebottom was spotted being carried out of the bank by security. Knowing her tendency to hold grudges, this cannot possibly lead to anything good. Go check it out."

Perry saluted. "Yes, sir. And, by the way, next time you see Jeremy, could you tell him his girlfriend is in Busting Purgatory? He'll know what it means."

_*Applebottom Evil is Crazy*_

"Seriously, jingle-people," Janet scolded towards the ceiling, "could you stop with the 'evil is crazy' thing? That's the second time you've sung that!"

Perry appeared out of no where and was immediately hit with a gigantic dollar-bill, which stuck him to the floor, like a blanket.

"Oh, there you are, Agent P. Like the new trap? Thought I'd start being a little more creative. Okay, so, long story short, I am no longer welcome in," a shot of the bank was shown, "the First National Danville Bank."

An upbeat jingle played: _*The First National Danville Bank*_

Janet continued, "They gave me my deposits back, but I didn't get any interest. And, I'm a little tight on funds, these days... So, I have," she showed off a large magnet hooked up to an even bigger clear container, "my money magnet. It'll attract all the cash in Danville and stick it in this big ol' box. Therefore, I'll be rich, everyone else will be broke, ex cetera, ex cetera."

*Backyard*

"Whatcha doin'?" Isabella asked, as the boys walked around in a circle.

Phineas stopped, and Ferb bumped into him. "We're testing Ferb's theory that walking in a circle helps you think," Phineas answered. "It must have worked, because I know what else we're gonna do, today. We're gonna build our own arcade!"

"Cool! Hey, where's Perry?"

*Living Room*

Candace's hand was on the handle, ready to open the sliding door, but she wasn't sure she could do this. "Oh, if I tell him, it'll break his heart. But, if I don't tell him, and he finds out for himself, it'll _still_ break his heart." To her surprise, Jeremy - a welcome distraction - walked up to her. "Jeremy? What are you doing here?"

"I heard you were in 'Busting Purgatory,'" Jeremy answered, "so I thought I'd-"

Why did he have to mention busting. "I can't help myself." She threw open the sliding door and ran outside, shouting, "_Phineas_!"

Jeremy smiled fondly. "Ah, memories."

"Phineas, Phineas, _Phineas_!"

Phineas turned around at his sister's screams. "Hi, Candace. We were just about to-"

Candace wasn't listening. "Your birth-mom is evil! She's doing something evil right now! You've gotta see it!"

She hoisted her brother over her shoulder and ran off, ignoring Phineas' cry of, "Candace!"

*Outside Janet's House*

Candace ran up to the window. She brightened at seeing the invention inside, but she didn't see anyone with it. "Yes! I knew she was up to something." She turned around. "Phineas!"

*Inside Janet's House*

As Perry and Janet were fighting, they rolled into the money magnet, which dented and started sparking. They froze, Perry on top of Janet in a rather awkward position. The device vanished into a puff of smoke, as though it was never there to begin with.

They stared at the spot where the invention had been, neither of them quite sure how to respond. Perry broke the silence with, "Well, that happened."

"Yes," Janet responded. "Yes, it did. Um, am I the only one, who notices what position we're in?"

Blushing in embarrassment, Perry left.

*Outside*

Candace hadn't seen any of what had happened inside. "Phineas, come on!"

Phineas wasn't listening. He was busy laughing at the butterfly that was currently perched on his nose. "Check out this butterfly, Candace. Isn't is cute?"

Candace ran over and grabbed him. "Come _on_!" She dragged him to the window, the butterfly flying away. She gestured to the window. "_See_?" There was nothing there. Candace deflated. "But, but, but-"

Phineas smiled. "That's a very nice window, Candace."

Candace face-palmed. "Deja-vew."

**The End**

* * *

**Candace has someone new to bust! Yay!**

**Okay, so summer is right around the corner, and I'm going to give you guys a little summer gift. If you have an idea for "Calling Back Agent P," PM it to me, and, if I like it, I'll post it! So, send in the summaries, folks, 'cause summer only lasts 104 days!**

**Review, PM, and other phrases!**


	15. The Eye of the Tiger

**Summary: Perry acquires a rival within the O.W.C.A. that wants to be the best agent. Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb turn themselves into various animals. (Requested by The WGPM.)**

**Tomorrow is my last day of school! *does a really bad victory dance***

* * *

**The Eye of the Tiger**

*Behind the O.W.C.A. Headquarters*

"I don't see why we have to have semi-annual physical fitness tests," McKenzie commented as she and Perry leaned against the building, watching Peter the Panda overcome various obstacles. "I mean, I get that we have to stay in shape, but I think this is a waste of time."

Perry glanced at his girlfriend. "Personally, I think Major Monogram just likes watching us frolic about, like circus animals."

"You're probably right."

Peter came up to McKenzie and casually leaned against the wall, swiping sweat from his brow. He gazed cooly at her. "What did you think, McKenzie?"

McKenzie rolled her eyes. "I _think_ you would make a great circus animal."

Perry stifled laughter, but Peter ignored the comment and asked, "So, maybe after this, we could go grab some smoothies, or something?"

"Do I even exist?" Perry asked, annoyed at Peter's flirting with McKenzie.

McKenzie noticed who was taking the test next. "Hey, look, Perry. It's that new guy I was telling you about. The transfer from Commander Conjunction's division."

A Bengal tiger was taking on the course, now. He had a fedora the same color as Perry's and piercing amber eyes. He was quick to hop through tires, climb across monkey bars, and sprint to the finish. Perry couldn't help but admire the large animal's agility.

Apparently, he wasn't the only one. "Wow," Carl said upon checking the tiger's time. "Four minutes and seven-point-eight seconds."

"Impressive," Jeremy commented.

Monogram nodded. "Yes. Yes, it is. Well done, Agent B." The tiger - Agent B - saluted in response. When he was off-screen, Monogram shuttered. "I hate it when agents tower over you, like that. Not only does it kind of scare me, but it makes me feel short. And, feeling short reminds me too much of," he stared off into space, "the Academy..."

Jeremy, unnerved, asked, "Uh, is he okay?"

"He does this sometimes," Carl answered.

As Agent B walked by, Perry said to him, "Nice work, out there."

The tiger looked at him and smiled cooly. "Thanks." He chuckled, "Actually, I was a little nervous. I'm kinda new around here, and Commander Conjunction's course is different than this one."

Perry chuckled too, before holding out his hand. "I'm Perry."

Agent B held out his own paw, allowing the much smaller agent to grab on to one of his fingers. They shook hands, as the tiger said, "I'm Ben."

"So, Ben," Perry said, letting go of the tiger's paw, "do you live in the zoo, or something?'

Ben nodded. "Yeah. I assume you do, as well?"

Perry shook his head. "Believe it or not, someone actually has a pet platypus."

"Is that what you are? No offense, but I thought you were some kind of mutant duck, or something."

McKenzie walked up to them. "That's a common misconception. I'm McKenzie, and you might be able to beat Perry's time out there."

"Well, not to brag, but," Ben puffed out his chest, "I was the best agent in Conjunction's division."

"Perry's the best agent in Monogram's division." Major Monogram called Perry. "And, you're about to see that for yourself."

*Kitchen*

Linda sang _Gitchee Gitchee Goo_, as she rolled out pie dough.

"Hi, Mom!" she heard Phineas greet. She looked around for her adopted-son. "I'm down here."

She looked down and nearly dropped her rolling-pin. Was that a talking dog? The dog had red fur - the same color as Phineas' hair - short, floppy ears, and blue eyes.

"It's me, Phineas!" It clarified. "Ferb and I made a machine that turns you into animals! You wanna try it?"

Linda just stared for a moment. "Um... No thanks. You kids have fun."

"Okay." Phineas left.

Linda said to the audience, "I just can't seem to get used to them doing things like that." She looked around. "Hey, where's Perry?"

*Behind O.W.C.A. Headquarters*

Ben was impressed at how fast Perry was. He had assumed that such a small animal would take a while to complete the course.

"Three minutes and fifty-eight-point-nine seconds," Carl announced. "That's a new record, Agent P."

Perry saluted.

"Dang," Jeremy said, "you're fast."

"Well," Monogram stated, "he _is_ the best agent in this division."

The best? Ben raised an eyebrow at the platypus approaching him. "So, you are the best agent, huh?"

Perry shrugged. "I guess. I mean, that's what I keep hearing."

McKenzie punched him on the arm. "Quit being modest."

"Perry," Ben said, "don't take this the wrong way, but I'm the best. I've always been the best."

"O-okay...?" Perry honestly wasn't sure how to react.

"I could easily beat your time."

McKenzie put her hands on her hips and cocked her head. "Are you dissing Perry?"

Ben waved his hands in front of him. "No, no, no. Not at all. It's just that back at Conjuction's-"

"You're not in Commander Conjunction's division, anymore," McKenzie said haughtily. "Perry's the best around here."

Perry put his hand on his girlfriend's shoulder. "Thank you, Mack, but this it doesn't matter who's the best."

Ben smirked. "So, you're admitting that I'm better than you?"

Perry quirked an eyebrow. "That sounded a little like a challenge, and I love a good challenge."

"Up for a little competition?"

"What do you have in mind?"

*Backyard*

Isabella entered the backyard. "Whatcha-" But, her friends were no where to be found. "Phineas? Ferb? Hm. Maybe, they're inside."

"No," Phineas said. "No, we're not." Isabella looked around. "Down here."

Terror shot through her at what she saw in front of her. A bright red snake with orange stripes and blue eyes was smiling at her. She screamed and hopped on top of the fence. "AAAAAAHHH! Snake!"

"It's me, Phineas," the snake told her. "Ferb and I made a machine that changes you into different animals."

Isabella hopped off the fence, but kept her distance. "O-okay, but could you _not_ be a snake? I-I'm kind of afraid of those."

Phineas frowned. "Oh, sorry, Isabella. I didn't know that." He slithered into a small, human-sized cage that had a control pad on the inside. He used his tail to type something on keyboard and a bright light shown in the cage. When Phineas emerged, he was a red rabbit. "Better?"

Isabella let out a relieved breath. "Yes. Yes, it is. Hey, where's Ferb?"

A green squirrel climbed down the tree, and Phineas said, "He's right here."

Ferb waved, and Isabella said, "Oh, there you are, Ferb."

"Can you guess who I am?" asked a dark brown cat.

"Um, Baljeet?" Isabella guessed.

"Correct! I chose a cat because they are known to be highly intelligent animals- _Ahh_!"

A strange version of Buford had lifted Baljeet by the tail. "Cat wedgy!"

"What is Buford supposed to be?" Isabella asked.

Phineas answered, "Well, he was our first test subject, and he didn't exactly come out a chipmunk, like we thought he would."

Buford dropped Baljeet. "I'm better than some wimpy chipmunk. I'm a combination of a lion, a tiger, and a bear." **(Wizard of Odd)**

"Oh my," Isabella said. She smiled ran into the machine. "I wanna be an animal!"

"Great," Phineas said. "Just type in the animal you want, and the machine will do the rest."

Isabella punched something into the keyboard, and the inside of the machine lit up. When she walked out, she was a black platypus. "Look! I'm a black Perry!"

"You know, some of the readers may find that insulting," Ferb warned.

"I think they'll know what I mean."

*Various Places in Danville*

As Perry and Ben took part in various tests of strength and agility - and Perry won each of them - the song played.

**(This song is a parody of **_**You Don't Know Me**_** from the TV show, **_**Victorious**_**. Elizabeth Gillies still sings.)**

* * *

_You think you'll beat me, but you won't_

_Beat me._

_You think that you'll win, but you won't_

_Defeat me._

_You look at me, and there's just one thing that you see,_

_So listen to me..._

_Listen to me...!_

* * *

_You push me back, I'll push you back_

_Harder,_

_Harder._

_You run the track, I'll run the track_

_Faster,_

_Yeah, faster._

_I'm dangerous!_

_I'm warning you._

_But, you're not afraid of me,_

_And I can't convince you_

_That you won't beat me._

* * *

Perry was drinking a bottle of water, as McKenzie praised, "Dang, you're good at this."

A defeated voice said, "Yes. Yes, he is."

Ben came up behind them, looking rather disappointed. "I admit it. You're the best. I'm not."

Perry smiled sympathetically at him. "Ben, it doesn't matter who's the best. You gotta admit, though, that stuff we did during the song was pretty fun."

Ben smiled after a moment. "Yeah. I guess winning isn't everything." He frowned. "But, I really wanted to win."

**The End**

* * *

**I'm sorry the ending isn't better. :(**

**Also, it occurs to me that guests can't PM episode requests, so feel free to review them.**


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